—–Original Message —– From: J Sent: 24 February 2004 23:39 To: S Subject: Fanx! [I had sent J a retro t-shirt with the Dukes of Hazard Boys on it as he had said in our “Mink Conversation“.] Hey Sis, just wanted to say thanks for the t-shirt! It really cheered me up. Ah, how I loved that blonde one when I was a kid. I’ve … Continue reading Hell, Hell, Hell.
—–Original Message—– From: J Sent: 05 February 2004 02:13 To: S Subject: Open at your peril. I don ‘t really know what ‘s going on here, but I think it’s bad. Very, very bad. J [There was a photo attached – from memory it was a very, very bad, cheesy family Christmas photo, one where they are wearing matching horror outfits.] —–Original Message- … Continue reading I love you, be happy. I’ll be there soon.
From: J Sent: 08 September 2003 15:03 To: S Subject: I have a video phone! PIC000005.jpg Happy Birfday, ya old goat! (I sent this from my phone, are you impressed?) It only cost me 900 DOLLARS! Love ya Continue reading Ya old goat!
J’s Diary Entry 26 May 2003 Jesus Christ, I really didn’t know I could get so miserable. Have started seeing a shrink again. He’s put me on Citalopram. I started at 20mg a day but am on 30mg now. He wants me to go up to 40 or 60mg. Is kind of scary – side effects are bad. Anxiety, nausea and trembling. Does distract me … Continue reading On the wagon, off the wagon, burn the bloody wagon.
J’s Diary Entry 27 March 2003 Desire to live not increasing. Am spending more and more time at the cinema. Saw “Cradle to the Grave” tonight. There were plenty of people killed for graves but nothing about cradles in there as far as I could tell. It was a chop-sockey shoot ’em up, and quite good as far as that goes. Still very depressed. Thought … Continue reading Hop-scotching through sheep carcasses.
This is J’s Diary Entry for 17 March 2003 – 366 days from when he took his life. This post marks the start of the last year of his life. Went and saw “About Schmidt” at the Kino tonight. On my own, as always. A bit of a depressing film, good, but downbeat. Actually, it really was rather good. Too much music though. An obvious score … Continue reading 366 Days
J’s Diary Entry 16 March 2003 Spent most of today in at work, desperately trying to catch up. Can’t seem to bring myself to do a single goddamn stroke of work while I’m there during the week. Have been so depressed. I think I have been since November but I’ve been trying to ignore it. Naturally, it has now landed on me like a … Continue reading Self Portrait of Self Hate.
J’s Diary Entry 9 January 2003 9.30am – I just realised something about all my New Year’s Resolutions – I’m in one of my disciplined phases. I’m eating well, exercising, concerned about work, being sociable, active. This always make it easier to stick to things, but… what about when it’s over? What will I do when the ennui comes back, with it’s sidekick, Lazybones? How … Continue reading How typical of me to be looking for maggots in the banquet.
18 August 2012 – An Aside from S Dear Little Man, Nearly 15 years ago we welcomed you into our lives, just after the girls Grandmother took her life. You diverted our attention, helped us laugh, kept us busy. My beautiful girls were 3 and 7, tiny, inquisitive, full of wonder like you, with tiny legs and always looking for food, like you. You … Continue reading How not to worm your kids.
From: S Date: Friday, September 06, 2002 09:00 To: J Subject: Oh J, Life just doesn’t get any more fucked up than this. Barry’s mother killed herself on Tuesday morning. It’s all so strange, I’m struggling to understand any of it. The phone rang just after 3am, phone is on Barry’s side of the bed, he answered it, groggy and said “Hello, Oh, Yes, I understand. Yes, ok.” and … Continue reading Try explaining suicide to children.