Hell, Hell, Hell.

—–Original Message —– From: J Sent: 24 February 2004 23:39 To: S Subject: Fanx! [I had sent J a retro t-shirt with the Dukes of Hazard Boys on it as he had said in our “Mink Conversation“.] Hey Sis, just wanted to say thanks for the t-shirt! It really cheered me up. Ah, how I loved that blonde one when I was a kid. I’ve … Continue reading Hell, Hell, Hell.

I love you, be happy.  I’ll be there soon.

  —–Original Message—– From: J Sent: 05 February 2004 02:13 To: S Subject: Open at your peril. I don ‘t really know what ‘s going on here, but I think it’s bad. Very, very bad. J [There was a photo attached – from memory it was a very, very bad, cheesy family Christmas photo, one where they are wearing matching horror outfits.]   —–Original Message- … Continue reading I love you, be happy.  I’ll be there soon.

On the wagon, off the wagon, burn the bloody wagon.

J’s Diary Entry 26 May 2003 Jesus Christ, I really didn’t know I could get so miserable. Have started seeing a shrink again. He’s put me on Citalopram. I started at 20mg a day but am on 30mg now. He wants me to go up to 40 or 60mg. Is kind of scary – side effects are bad. Anxiety, nausea and trembling. Does distract me … Continue reading On the wagon, off the wagon, burn the bloody wagon.

Hop-scotching through sheep carcasses.

J’s Diary Entry 27 March 2003 Desire to live not increasing. Am spending more and more time at the cinema. Saw “Cradle to the Grave” tonight. There were plenty of people killed for graves but nothing about cradles in there as far as I could tell. It was a chop-sockey shoot ’em up, and quite good as far as that goes. Still very depressed. Thought … Continue reading Hop-scotching through sheep carcasses.

Self Portrait of Self Hate.

  J’s Diary Entry 16 March 2003 Spent most of today in at work, desperately trying to catch up. Can’t seem to bring myself to do a single goddamn stroke of work while I’m there during the week.  Have been so depressed. I think I have been since November but I’ve been trying to ignore it. Naturally, it has now landed on me like a … Continue reading Self Portrait of Self Hate.

How typical of me to be looking for maggots in the banquet.

J’s Diary Entry 9 January 2003 9.30am  –  I just realised something about all my New Year’s Resolutions – I’m in one of my disciplined phases. I’m eating well, exercising, concerned about work, being sociable, active. This always make it easier to stick to things, but… what about when it’s over? What will I do when the ennui comes back, with it’s sidekick, Lazybones? How … Continue reading How typical of me to be looking for maggots in the banquet.

Try explaining suicide to children.

From: S Date: Friday, September 06, 2002 09:00 To: J Subject: Oh J, Life just doesn’t get any more fucked up than this. Barry’s mother killed herself on Tuesday morning. It’s all so strange, I’m struggling to understand any of it. The phone rang just after 3am, phone is on Barry’s side of the bed, he answered it, groggy and said “Hello, Oh, Yes, I understand. Yes, ok.” and … Continue reading Try explaining suicide to children.