J’s Diary Entry

26 May 2003

Jesus Christ, I really didn’t know I could get so miserable. Have started seeing a shrink again. He’s put me on Citalopram. I started at 20mg a day but am on 30mg now. He wants me to go up to 40 or 60mg. Is kind of scary – side effects are bad. Anxiety, nausea and trembling. Does distract me from myself though. Actually it DID put me in a very good mood in the afternoon today. It’s only been two and a half weeks so I’ll wait and see. Still obsessed with killing myself. And while I’m on the topic, Monica’s on-again, off-again boyfriend Flea died of a heroin overdose last week. Monica was devastated but she seems to be picking up. We’re gonna see a film tomorrow. Will have to try to pick something un-gloomy.

Paige is back in town. She arrived Friday before last. She stayed over and I took the day off work. We walked around Richmond, watched The Matrix Reloaded and went to all the new bars on Bridge Road. It’s great to have her back. She’s already go two jobs. On Friday night just past she, Jade Monica, (girl) Ash, Quinn and I went to ‘The Napier’ for dinner. Quinn has broken up with his girl. She’s gone to Vietnam for a year and he’s buying out her share of the house. And I fell off the wagon. Got absolutely hammered. Ended up at Sunset Strip in St Kilda with Jade. I spat in some guy’s drink. I can’t even really remember why. Have decided to get back on the wagon.

Sunday night Jade, Paige and went to Kathy and Bruce’s in Brunswick for the Euro-vision Song contest. I was barracking for Greece or Belgium but Turkey won. At least it wasn’t those minstrel lesbians from Russia TaTU.

Oh and Saturday Leah and Harrison picked me up to go see Matrix Reloaded (I had to pretend I hadn’t seen it) after they picked up Jai I had to leap out of the car on Royal Parade and throw up beside the road. I’m so cool. I can’t believe I am thirty and still doing this shit. Back on the wagon for me! At least I don’t have that crippling shame I usually get from drinking. I think it might be the anti-depressants. Ha, ha!

Oh Yeah (girl) Ash has moved in. She’s ace, it’s working out really well. Tonight she cooked us roast veggies and stewed fruit.