J’s Diary Entry 26 May 2003 Jesus Christ, I really didn’t know I could get so miserable. Have started seeing a shrink again. He’s put me on Citalopram. I started at 20mg a day but am on 30mg now. He wants me to go up to 40 or 60mg. Is kind of scary – side effects are bad. Anxiety, nausea and trembling. Does distract me … Continue reading On the wagon, off the wagon, burn the bloody wagon.
J’s Diary Entry 13 April 2003 God, has been ages since I wrote in here. OK, will resort to point form: have been interviewing potential housemates, am in line for a $1,200 bonus from work Jade has quit her job and appears to be on the verge of a depressive breakdown; and got my short story published in Melbourne Times I think that’s all the … Continue reading I think I like being out of debt for a change.
J’s Diary Entry 27 March 2003 Desire to live not increasing. Am spending more and more time at the cinema. Saw “Cradle to the Grave” tonight. There were plenty of people killed for graves but nothing about cradles in there as far as I could tell. It was a chop-sockey shoot ’em up, and quite good as far as that goes. Still very depressed. Thought … Continue reading Hop-scotching through sheep carcasses.
This is J’s Diary Entry for 17 March 2003 – 366 days from when he took his life. This post marks the start of the last year of his life. Went and saw “About Schmidt” at the Kino tonight. On my own, as always. A bit of a depressing film, good, but downbeat. Actually, it really was rather good. Too much music though. An obvious score … Continue reading 366 Days
J’s Diary Entry 16 March 2003 Spent most of today in at work, desperately trying to catch up. Can’t seem to bring myself to do a single goddamn stroke of work while I’m there during the week. Have been so depressed. I think I have been since November but I’ve been trying to ignore it. Naturally, it has now landed on me like a … Continue reading Self Portrait of Self Hate.
J’s Diary Entry 10 March 2003 Kicked Ian out last week, mmm maybe it was end of week before. It was first thing in the morning. He was hanging out his washing. He didn’t take it well. Quietly furious, I’d call it. Said “Well I’m screwed,” a few times. Told him it was cos he never went out. He said “I go out quite a … Continue reading It’s a testament to the horror of his personality and personal hygiene that I do not feel bad about this.
J’s Diary Entry 17 February 2003 I sent a short story to the Melbourne Times today. It was a vignette I based on working at CPD. Just an “office life is hell” type of thing. I don’t hold out great hope of it being published, it was a bit of a rush job, but I just felt like doing it. I chose Travis Parton for … Continue reading 16 Tonnes
J’s Diary Entry 27 January 2003 Joel is back in Melbourne! But sadly not for long. He’s only down for a week or two. He’s doing a Bachelor of Fine Arts at Sydney University and he’s just down here to tie up loose ends (sell his furniture and and so on) and visit people. I quite missed him, didn’t realise it until I saw him … Continue reading I’m fostering a new bluntness, it seems to be working quite well.
J’s Diary Entry 14 January 2003 Aw JEZUZ, back at work, wot hell! Went over to McKenzie’s for dinner on Monday night and made an ass of myself in front of Crazy Kel’s extremely attractive gay brother. I didn’t even realise he was gay, so I was my usual simpering, idiot self, telling unflattering stories and I wasn’t even drinking. Being back at work … Continue reading It sucks being a desk jockey with no real skills.
J’s Diary Entry 11 January 2003 I rode to Leah’s in 15 minutes! I am a FUCKING athlete is wot I am, mate. I must get around and see Leah more often, she’s such good value. It’ll be damn weird if/when she has a kid/kids. I think even Jade is canvassing motherhood as an option! Where will I live? I don’t think I could share … Continue reading Wish I knew Shakespeare, this seems to be the right moment for a quote.