How to remove a turkey from your house.

  Emails between J and housemate Jade discussing the removal of Ian The Turkey. —–Original Message—– From: J Sent: Friday, 28 February 2003 9:14 AM To: Jade Subject: Well … How’ s the V&V going? Is it done yet? Was it an extravaganza? Dancing girls and donkey rides? Kissing booths and fire breathers? I remember when they launched the new logo at CPD, they had a … Continue reading How to remove a turkey from your house.

Starting to feel the poison of remorse in my heart.

From: J Sent: 19 November 2002 10:44PM To: S Subject: Starting to feel the poison of remorse in my heart. Hey Sis — got the Spy Ear thingy this morning and can’t stop rubbing my thighs together with GLEE! (It makes a sound at a frequency that only other homos can hear — is the Sissy Song of Joy.) Now I have to wait until lunchtime … Continue reading Starting to feel the poison of remorse in my heart.

A turkey wears ear plugs?

—–Original Message—– From: J Sent: 08 November 2002 6:04  AM To: S                                   Subject: Oooh! You know what I REALLY do want? This thing called a “Spy Ear”.  It’s this tiny little thing that looks like a radio but it’s an amplifier and you can listen in on people 30 feet away. They’re cheap, and they’re all over the web but I can’t find anyone to … Continue reading A turkey wears ear plugs?

When you’re a kid you always know what you want for your birthday.

—–0riginal Message—– From: S Sent: Tuesday, November 05, 2002 8:37PM To: J Subject: I promise not to make a fuss for your birthday, no calls, etc. but I really would like to get you something, I love my Hermes scarf and want you to have something that you can say I bought you for your 30th. Now don’t refuse again and tell me what you … Continue reading When you’re a kid you always know what you want for your birthday.

I’ll swap you a kidney for some teeth.

From: S Sent: 04 November 2002 2:49PM To: J Subject: Dick called ‘oh MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   (in my best Janice voice). If he bags you one more time for not calling him, I told him off saying that he was in the middle of the bush on a dodgy mobile for god sake – how is anyone meant to call him! He says that last time … Continue reading I’ll swap you a kidney for some teeth.

Do you like apples or pears? And why?

  —–Original Message—– From: S Sent: Monday, October 28, 2002 10:38PM To: J Subject: Just asking?   When did you first know/think you were gay?    Honestly….   From: J Sent: 28 October 2002 10:16PM To: S Subject: Re: Just asking?   Let’s see, when did I first know? Well, there was always the bizzo of playing with the girls at primary school. Definitely had … Continue reading Do you like apples or pears? And why?

Full-body chemical skin peels and a home perm.

  From: J Sent: 25 October 2002  12:33AM To: S Subject: volcanic lovemaking powers…(Yawn.) S Hey, guess what? I have a date tonight, a hot date with Steven from Pooftas Anon. At a restaurant near his place. VERY near his place, heh heh heh. We’ve already had a bit of a pash –  had a date earlier this week.  No sex, but a bit of a … Continue reading Full-body chemical skin peels and a home perm.