Tag: anxiety

1995, Letters from J, Letters to S

I can’t seem to put my finger on it. It’s like searching for the name of the actor who played the second Darren in “Bewitched”. You know you know it, you can see his face, but the answer just won’t come to you.

Tuesday, 11 July 1995 S, I found myself softening my line on this whole Chloe thing.  I’m still racked with indecision over the whole “thing” (let’s not call it an affair). I tried tossing a coin before and then felt ashamed for being so flippant.  The Gods of Chance were in favour of the match by the way, not that that means anything.  I think … Continue reading I can’t seem to put my finger on it. It’s like searching for the name of the actor who played the second Darren in “Bewitched”. You know you know it, you can see his face, but the answer just won’t come to you.

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1995, J's Diary Entries

Drinking is neither physically, mentally or economically healthy. But I’ll keep doing it.

J’s Diary Entry Saturday, 3 June 1995 Had only 3 neat vodkas at “Klicks” last night. I feel strong and depressed and lonely as usual.  It’s a curious choice: waste $60 on a good time I can’t actually remember, or save $60 and feel strong and depressed and lonely.  I’m sort of inclined to think that if I can’t remember the good time, then what’s … Continue reading Drinking is neither physically, mentally or economically healthy. But I’ll keep doing it.

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1995, J's Diary Entries

Crisis at the Croissant Connection Cafe.

J’s Diary Entry Monday, 22 May 1995 First day at work with new hair do.  God, you’d think I was levitating or something, they were so amazed. Even Cav said something from a safe distance. Had a stressful experience in Collins Place today.  In the morning I went over for some food and passed Kara, the girl with the green eyes from “Croissant Connection” that … Continue reading Crisis at the Croissant Connection Cafe.

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1995, J's Diary Entries

Reincarnation is my greatest fear. That, and the dentist.

J’s Diary Entry Thursday, 18 May 1995 I said an awkward hello to Cav in the fax room today.  It lifted me for a bit, made me think or rather tacitly hope that things would go back to how they were.  I know they wont though.  Exile is a little more dignified when it’s self imposed.  I’m going to ask Caitlin if I can leave … Continue reading Reincarnation is my greatest fear. That, and the dentist.

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1995, J's Diary Entries

I decided I shouldn’t kill myself until my sister has her baby.

J’s Diary Entry Wednesday, 17 May 1995 Actually thought about someone else today.  I decided I shouldn’t kill myself until my sister has her baby.  I actually didn’t want to stress her at this point.  I wonder if anyone suspects how much it is on my mind?  I truly hope not, I don’t want their suffocating concern.  That’s why I like Simon, he’s such a … Continue reading I decided I shouldn’t kill myself until my sister has her baby.

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1995, J's Diary Entries

Most people’s lives are linear. I wonder if mine is not spiral in nature.

J’s Diary Entries Thursday  20 April, 1995  (Mum’s Birthday) From what I can gather most people’s lives are linear, they start at one end and finish at the other.  I’m beginning to wonder if mine is not spiral in nature.  Sometimes I feel like I’m going backwards through already chartered areas.  I started in the middle and wound my way out.  Then I came to … Continue reading Most people’s lives are linear. I wonder if mine is not spiral in nature.

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1995, J's Diary Entries

The high stakes of deep romantic fulfillment versus soul-shredding rejection. I am going to be alone forever.

J’s Diary Entry Monday, 13 March, 1995 I’m feeling particularly industrious today. I’ve done more than usual.  I’ve done a bit of gardening, actually put my clothes away in the wardrobe and even done some work I brought home with me on Friday, wish I’d brought more home with me. The phone has rung a few times, and it was ignored, I suspect it was … Continue reading The high stakes of deep romantic fulfillment versus soul-shredding rejection. I am going to be alone forever.

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1995, J's Diary Entries

The Dewey Decimal System & Suicide

J’s Diary Entry Thursday 9 Mar 1995 I got my annual slap on the wrist from Caitlin today. She said I’d been “drifting” since November. I agreed, of course. I found it a bit depressing really. I knew it was coming from a few offhand remarks Caitlin made in the last week or so. I told her that I have changed my direction in the … Continue reading The Dewey Decimal System & Suicide

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1994, Letters from J, Letters to S

They say that time heals all wounds. Except amputation, I suspect.

Thursday, 24 March 1994 Dear S, The Day of Reckoning is at hand, this day is filled with strange portents.  The cock did crow at midnight blackest, the cow’s teats did issue forth Grants Scotch Whiskey (we’re keeping that cow) and the sky did crack open and wobblesome jelly desserts poured forth on the innocent street dwellers.  This night I do split with Leah.  Am … Continue reading They say that time heals all wounds. Except amputation, I suspect.

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1993, Letters from J, Letters to S

I’m really cranky and make no apologies for it, so fuck ya’s all!!

Tuesday, 3 August 1993 S, How are you?  I’ve had the most fucked day in the history of fucked days.  You know, it’s just one of those days where you wake up mean.  I woke up before 6am and I feel like it!  I fell back asleep again, but of course only just before the alarm went off, so I acted out some of my more … Continue reading I’m really cranky and make no apologies for it, so fuck ya’s all!!

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