J’s Diary Entry Thursday, 8 June 1995 Fare dodged on the tram today – always makes me feel special. Simon decided today that he’s only going to Europe for three months. He’s afraid Kerry may not still want him. It’s kinda sad. She’s too proud (it seems) to openly admit she wants him over there, and he’s too scared of rejection to rush over to … Continue reading Hey, you’re not so unattractive, why are you alone?
J’s Diary Entry Saturday, 3 June 1995 Had only 3 neat vodkas at “Klicks” last night. I feel strong and depressed and lonely as usual. It’s a curious choice: waste $60 on a good time I can’t actually remember, or save $60 and feel strong and depressed and lonely. I’m sort of inclined to think that if I can’t remember the good time, then what’s … Continue reading Drinking is neither physically, mentally or economically healthy. But I’ll keep doing it.
J’s Diary Entry Sunday, 28 May 1995 Not much of a day. Returned some library books, did some shopping, did some washing. Cooked cous-cous, wasn’t half bad actually. Leah stayed at Aidans’s last night. They went to a 21st birthday party, Leah had some falling-out with Aidan’s Mum and came home early today. She’s pissed off. We went for a bit of a drive around … Continue reading This artifice of depression has wormed its way into my head and, like a Swiss backpacker, has overstayed its welcome.
J’s Diary Entry Thursday, 25 May 1995 I really must call Mum and S. I don’t know why I am so reluctant to call. Well, I do really, she’s been away so long now and she hardly ever writes. I don’t really know her anymore. And I worry that her having a child is only going to worsen the problem, make her more alien. God. My … Continue reading My sister is an alien.
Monday, 22 May 1995 1:38pm Dear Sis, Howdy. I thought of you on the tram this morning. A pregnant lady was sitting opposite me, rubbing her belly with this secretive smile. It was a bit creepy to tell you the truth. Then the tram conductor sat diagonally opposite me and started talking to himself as he leafed through the form guide. He didn’t ask for … Continue reading My workmates have about as much sensitivity as a Russian condom.
J’s Diary Entry Monday, 22 May 1995 First day at work with new hair do. God, you’d think I was levitating or something, they were so amazed. Even Cav said something from a safe distance. Had a stressful experience in Collins Place today. In the morning I went over for some food and passed Kara, the girl with the green eyes from “Croissant Connection” that … Continue reading Crisis at the Croissant Connection Cafe.
J’s Diary Entry Thursday, 18 May 1995 I said an awkward hello to Cav in the fax room today. It lifted me for a bit, made me think or rather tacitly hope that things would go back to how they were. I know they wont though. Exile is a little more dignified when it’s self imposed. I’m going to ask Caitlin if I can leave … Continue reading Reincarnation is my greatest fear. That, and the dentist.
J’s Diary Entry Wednesday, 17 May 1995 Actually thought about someone else today. I decided I shouldn’t kill myself until my sister has her baby. I actually didn’t want to stress her at this point. I wonder if anyone suspects how much it is on my mind? I truly hope not, I don’t want their suffocating concern. That’s why I like Simon, he’s such a … Continue reading I decided I shouldn’t kill myself until my sister has her baby.
J’s Diary Entry Tuesday, 16 May 1995 Trying hard to hold it together. My new found optimism is fading badly. Spent another day mired in ill-humour. Christopher Watts rang me at work and invited me to the Builders Arms again. (He cancelled last time). I rushed home, showered, caught a tram back into the City and waited for the No 86 to Bundoora. I waited. … Continue reading My new found optimism is fading badly.
J’s Diary Entry Monday, 8 May 1995 Hey, wanna hear my latest idea? The defeat of hope is the path to freedom. As an idea, it’s probably couched in too grandiose terms, but I’m known for my love of textual pomposity. And poor grammar. Hell, it’s probably an old idea, but it’s new to me in its conciseness. Well I need to go from hope’s … Continue reading The defeat of hope is the path to freedom.
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