From: S Date: Friday, September 06, 2002 09:00 To: J Subject: Oh J, Life just doesn’t get any more fucked up than this. Barry’s mother killed herself on Tuesday morning. It’s all so strange, I’m struggling to understand any of it. The phone rang just after 3am, phone is on Barry’s side of the bed, he answered it, groggy and said “Hello, Oh, Yes, I understand. Yes, ok.” and … Continue reading Try explaining suicide to children.
From: S Date: 20 August 2002 05:30 To: J Subject: J I didn’t give Mum the letter I was just too too scared, really I am. But I do want to mail it. Oh fuck it, I don’t know what to do. I sent a tentative letter to Aunty Tia asking how she found mum when she was up there recently and I scantily touched on … Continue reading I just don’t believe that the hair in one’s ears should exceed in length the hair on one’s head.
In July 2002 Mum flew to the UK to spend time with us. Brady had just turned 7 and Ola was 2 years and 4 months old. It was a fraught and emotional visit. Mum has slid into what seemed like a deep, nasty hole, she was so angry, bitter, visceral. My mother has never been a kind, gentle, hugs and kisses type of person, … Continue reading I love you but I don’t like you.
FAX FROM MUM TO S AUG 1995 Dear S, So sorry to hear you are back in hospital yet again, but best to get it cleared up. June from work said that her specialist told her to take B6 100mgs for breast problems and better still if it is a Vitamin B Complex. Look after yourself and do exactly what they tell you to do. … Continue reading Oh Mum, it’s gonna take a lot more than some Vitamin B to sort this out.
Monday, 10 July 1995 1:11pm S, Oh-my-God-oh-my-God it is so Goddamn cold here I’ll be lucky to make it home with all my extremities. I tell you Sis, this weather really makes me respect English streakers. You have to have enormous dedication to the cause of public nudity to get your gear off in this type of weather. It’s like 4 degrees here. I’m so … Continue reading I tell you Sis, this freezing weather really makes me respect English streakers.
Monday, 12 June, 1995 S, Wow, so you’ve had the baby. Wow. Please name her Sis, it’s kinda important. Or maybe you could wait until she’s old enough to decide for herself, that’s a novel idea. Forty-four hours hey? That’s a stretch. Gee, is this kid gonna have that hanging over her head or what? Man, did you see the list of dud relatives I … Continue reading Sis, please name your baby, it’s kinda important.
J’s Diary Entry Sunday, 28 May 1995 Not much of a day. Returned some library books, did some shopping, did some washing. Cooked cous-cous, wasn’t half bad actually. Leah stayed at Aidans’s last night. They went to a 21st birthday party, Leah had some falling-out with Aidan’s Mum and came home early today. She’s pissed off. We went for a bit of a drive around … Continue reading This artifice of depression has wormed its way into my head and, like a Swiss backpacker, has overstayed its welcome.