J’s Diary Entry Thursday, 18 May 1995 I said an awkward hello to Cav in the fax room today. It lifted me for a bit, made me think or rather tacitly hope that things would go back to how they were. I know they wont though. Exile is a little more dignified when it’s self imposed. I’m going to ask Caitlin if I can leave … Continue reading Reincarnation is my greatest fear. That, and the dentist.
J’s Diary Entry Wednesday, 17 May 1995 Actually thought about someone else today. I decided I shouldn’t kill myself until my sister has her baby. I actually didn’t want to stress her at this point. I wonder if anyone suspects how much it is on my mind? I truly hope not, I don’t want their suffocating concern. That’s why I like Simon, he’s such a … Continue reading I decided I shouldn’t kill myself until my sister has her baby.
J’s Diary Entry Tuesday, 16 May 1995 Trying hard to hold it together. My new found optimism is fading badly. Spent another day mired in ill-humour. Christopher Watts rang me at work and invited me to the Builders Arms again. (He cancelled last time). I rushed home, showered, caught a tram back into the City and waited for the No 86 to Bundoora. I waited. … Continue reading My new found optimism is fading badly.
J’s Diary Entry Monday, 15 May 1995 Just figured out I was snubbed on Friday night. I was not invited for Friday drinks on purpose. Jeremy blabbed. Well, not really blabbed, but he made it obvious. I was at the printer, and he asked me if I went straight home on Friday. I said yes, and he said something about how he had a few … Continue reading I need to get better at handling rejection. I guess I can’t make people like me.
J’s Diary Entry Wednesday, 10 May 1995 My cold weather zeal has taken hold of me again. I’ve started exercising like I mean it. I haven’t had a “b” for a week (not long, I know, but I feel a difference) and I’m working hard at the book. I didn’t play Tetris once on the computer today, nor did I spend hours writing to my sister. … Continue reading I want to extend my bravado beyond these pages.
J’s Diary Entry Monday, 8 May 1995 Hey, wanna hear my latest idea? The defeat of hope is the path to freedom. As an idea, it’s probably couched in too grandiose terms, but I’m known for my love of textual pomposity. And poor grammar. Hell, it’s probably an old idea, but it’s new to me in its conciseness. Well I need to go from hope’s … Continue reading The defeat of hope is the path to freedom.
J’s Diary Entry Saturday, 29 April, 1995 Fended off Leah’s entreaties to help her shift this morning. Felt glad I didn’t cave in. Walked down to video shop with Aidan and stopped in a sad, neglected little comic shop on the way. Rented a crap movie at my insistence and had a “b” to help me sit through it. God awful film, “Deep Red”. Ate too … Continue reading My young life is so dull that I find two random daffodils exciting.
J’s Diary Entry Friday, 28 April 1995 Oh God what a dreadful evening this has turned out to be. I went drinking with work folk minus Cav (who has flown to Sydney for the weekend). Simon came and I was pleased he did, he was in good, bitchy form – slagging off everyone. Nadia and her boyfriend came. I was flirting a little with Nadia, … Continue reading It’s sad and it’s childish but all I wanted was to be loved tonight. I wanted someone to kiss my neck, put their arms around my waist.
J’s Diary Entry Sun 12 Mar 1995 I’ve spent far too much time watching television today, channel surfing in the hope that five channels of mediocrity will be less stultifying if viewed in seven second slices. I cooked a meal, read a bit more Voltaire, did some washing and ignored the phone’s muted, mulish ring. I wouldn’t mind talking to Josh, but don’t want to … Continue reading It’s a fucking strange habit, but it passes the time.
J’s Diary Entry Thursday 9 Mar 1995 I got my annual slap on the wrist from Caitlin today. She said I’d been “drifting” since November. I agreed, of course. I found it a bit depressing really. I knew it was coming from a few offhand remarks Caitlin made in the last week or so. I told her that I have changed my direction in the … Continue reading The Dewey Decimal System & Suicide
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