J’s Diary Entry

Saturday, 29 April, 1995

Fended off Leah’s entreaties to help her shift this morning.  Felt glad I didn’t cave in.  Walked down to video shop with Aidan and stopped in a sad, neglected little comic shop on the way.  Rented a crap movie at my insistence and had a “b” to help me sit through it.  God awful film, “Deep Red”.  Ate too much junk food.  Damn man in the Service Station tried to short change me.  Aidan split wood earlier today, he’s good with an axe.  He and Leah were both down on me for leaving early last night.  Leah more so than Aidan. I told them the truth, about why I left early.  I don’t think I’ll tell Simon or anyone else at work about my abortive evening out, it’s a bit embarrassing.  No one understands how I really can’t go out anymore, how picking up is anathema to me now. I want a cat.  Gotta cut down on my smoking.

Did some gardening today too.  Raked all the weeds back into the soil and even found two random daffodil bulbs that have sprouted.  My young life is so dull that I find those two daffodils exciting.  I watched some gardening shows in the afternoon.  I wish I had a bigger backyard, I would dearly love to grow some trees and vegetables and flowers. Perhaps if I can one day afford it, I’ll move to a nice, leafy suburb and have a big backyard full of plants and cats which I can tend lovingly all day, because I’ll be rich and won’t have to work.  Sigh….

I wonder if S will stay over at my house one night that she’s over here, before Jack arrives.  I must remember to buy some Guinness for Jack.  By then, hopefully I have my single bed, and I’ll be able to set the Queen size one up in the lounge-room for S.  I wonder why I so desperately want to impress my sister with all these material things.  We’ve never been competitive before.  Maybe it’s because she’ll have the baby, and I want to have something too. Who knows?