The defeat of hope is the path to freedom.

J’s Diary Entry Monday, 8 May 1995 Hey, wanna hear my latest idea?  The defeat of hope is the path to freedom.  As an idea, it’s probably couched in too grandiose terms, but I’m known for my love of textual pomposity.  And poor grammar.  Hell, it’s probably an old idea, but it’s new to me in its conciseness.  Well I need to go from hope’s … Continue reading The defeat of hope is the path to freedom.

I feel silly, but this is exciting to me – independence!

J’s Diary Entry Sunday 7 May, 1995 Spent the day washing clothes and reading.  Finished off that Chopper Read book.  Almost poignant at the end.  I told Leah she could stay another week – she was packing everything up after yesterday’s foul mood.  It’s good, I can use the money. I’ve decided to get my licence – for real this time.  I have goals in … Continue reading I feel silly, but this is exciting to me – independence!

I turned a corner while in bed this morning.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX Represents the parts of his diary that my brother has delicately cut out.   J’s Diary Entries Friday, 5 May, 1995 Went a drinking with Nadia and Cav.  From “Klicks” to some pub on the corner of Spring and Bourke Street, where I actually paid my bill. (I didn’t want to distress Cav, he gets so embarrassed if I do a runner.)  I drank vodka, lime … Continue reading I turned a corner while in bed this morning.

Cleaning can only be done incrementally. It would be an offence to all that long-standing mess to just heave it all out in one go. 

J’s Diary Entry Sunday, 30 April, 1995 It’s mid morning (10.30am) and Leah and Aidan are still in bed.  I hope they’re just sleeping – thank God I never hear them doing it.  I wonder if they makes jokes about me rattling around this house like an old maid with nothing better to do than spoil young people’s love-making. I feel like cleaning today.  Maybe … Continue reading Cleaning can only be done incrementally. It would be an offence to all that long-standing mess to just heave it all out in one go. 

My young life is so dull that I find two random daffodils exciting.

J’s Diary Entry Saturday, 29 April, 1995 Fended off Leah’s entreaties to help her shift this morning.  Felt glad I didn’t cave in.  Walked down to video shop with Aidan and stopped in a sad, neglected little comic shop on the way.  Rented a crap movie at my insistence and had a “b” to help me sit through it.  God awful film, “Deep Red”.  Ate too … Continue reading My young life is so dull that I find two random daffodils exciting.

It’s sad and it’s childish but all I wanted was to be loved tonight. I wanted someone to kiss my neck, put their arms around my waist.

J’s Diary Entry Friday, 28 April 1995 Oh God what a dreadful evening this has turned out to be.  I went drinking with work folk minus Cav (who has flown to Sydney for the weekend). Simon came and I was pleased he did, he was in good, bitchy form – slagging off everyone.  Nadia and her boyfriend came.  I was flirting a little with Nadia, … Continue reading It’s sad and it’s childish but all I wanted was to be loved tonight. I wanted someone to kiss my neck, put their arms around my waist.

There’s such an art to letting friendships fizzle out.

J’s Diary Entries Wednesday, 26 April, 1995 Spoke to Mum on the phone today, she had some very interesting news.  Apparently S is not going to Nan and Pop’s for Christmas.  Mum said in definite, emphatic tones, “S and the baby are spending Christmas with you and me, up here at my house.” (as opposed to “down there” at Nana and Pop’s) I think Mum … Continue reading There’s such an art to letting friendships fizzle out.

Most people’s lives are linear. I wonder if mine is not spiral in nature.

J’s Diary Entries Thursday  20 April, 1995  (Mum’s Birthday) From what I can gather most people’s lives are linear, they start at one end and finish at the other.  I’m beginning to wonder if mine is not spiral in nature.  Sometimes I feel like I’m going backwards through already chartered areas.  I started in the middle and wound my way out.  Then I came to … Continue reading Most people’s lives are linear. I wonder if mine is not spiral in nature.

We survive not on instinct, but on knowledge.

J Diary Entry Tuesday, 21 March, 1995 Good day.  Woke up early and got in to work early.  Worked hard nearly all day.  Stayed until 7pm talking to Cav.  Talked about all the usual stuff and walked down Collins Street together.  Cav explained dual sexuality to me in the context of Tessa (from work).  He and I disagree about Tessa in that he thinks she’s … Continue reading We survive not on instinct, but on knowledge.

I feel bad for being so horrible, but I guess I’m just horrible.

  The XXXXXXXX represents the parts of his diary that my brother has cut out. J’s Diary Entries Friday, 17 March, 1995 Went over the road with Jeremy, Nadia and Quinn to “Klicks” for one dispirited drink before everyone made their way home.  It simply isn’t the same without Cav there.  It’s a bit embarrassing really that we rely on him so heavily to enjoy ourselves. … Continue reading I feel bad for being so horrible, but I guess I’m just horrible.