J’s Diary Entry
Tuesday, 26 September 1995
Simon leaves in 5 days. God I’ll miss him. I wish I could go too. I tell him how ace it’s going to be and how much sex he’s going to have. He gets all excited just like a kid. I hope he has a great time in Europe.
Watched a documentary on Bongs tonight – quite frightening. I don’t think I’ll ever indulge again. There was this guy with big scars over his neck – it was tongue cancer! Horrifying! And permanent brain damage! I’ve been worried about my memory too. I think it’s definitely time I gave up. I mean, if I get cancer, I die, no problem, but brain damage, that’s serious. One guy almost forgot how to read. If I’m going to go to Uni, I need all the brain cells I can muster. Just one more of life’s guilty pleasures on the scrap heap.
Had a meeting with Caitlin about my overtime. I was sort of accused of faking a sickie to do more over-time. I let it slide or I would have gone right off. I called Mum in a psychotic rant, threatening to quit. Mum gives good advice. Wish I could skip the next 50 years of life and be retired with a loving wife, house in the suburbs, grandchildren a dog and two cats. I’m sick of struggling already, feel like I’ll never be normal again.
deadmansdiaries.com 
There is nothing more in life I fear more than brain damage. Every living thing dies, but to slowly fade away mentally for someone of high intelligence would be most traumatic.
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Absolutely Tom. It is horrific to witness and deal with. Our mother now has Alzheimer’s as did her father. Some genes I wish I had inherited; height, artistic ability, green eyes (no, no and no) and then there are other traits I don’t want to inherit like dementia/Alzheimers but you don’t know if you’ve got it until you do or don’t get it (I certainly didn’t inherit J’s way with words). Seems to me genetic jackpots are a cruel lottery.
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