Thursday, 24 August 1995 10:47am Morning O’ Sis of mine, I’ve been reading this Strachey book “Eminent Victorians” and there’s this biography of Cardinal Manning of the English Catholic Church, and you know, I think I would have been splendid in the service of our Lord – especially with my natural proclivity for abstinence from the comforts of the flesh. Can you see me in … Continue reading Tattoos are just too permanent. [Unlike suicide]
Wednesday, 23 August 1995 9:24am Bright bright morning, sun in my eyes on the tram. No Summer clothes, coffee drunk too quickly scalding my lips and tongue. A rushed start to the day. I’ve decided to become one of those despicable early to bed and early to rise people. I wanna wake with the Summer dawn and feel righteous every day. Maybe this is an echo … Continue reading Well, I’m in two minds about it and let me tell you two minds are not better than one. Two minds require much more maintenance.
Saturday, 12 August 1995 11:55am S, Yeah, check that date – I’m in at work on a Saturday. And what a Saturday it is too, the mercury is set to soar to 17°, the sun is actually shining, and I’m here working. Mum’s coming in to meet me at 2pm, and after she jumps back in her horseless carriage and zooms back to “Poo Town”, … Continue reading I’m like ice-cream, delicious and sweet, but too much will make you puke.
Tuesday, 25 July 1997 9:11am S, Well you know I’m in a better mood this morning missy. I’se be ridin’ that caffeine wave of goodness, surgin’ up and carryin’ me forth inta the day. Yessa. Sorry, can’t help writing in South Carolina-speak, I’m in a good mood, and I’ve been reading the second story in that Kerouac book I bought. It’s called “Pic” and it’s … Continue reading My backup plan: become a surfer-bum, cruising the coast with a car-full of defactoes and kids on welfare or perhaps start a pirate whaling operation off the coast of Indonesia.
Thursday 13 July 1995 9:19am Sis, I got smiled at on the tram this morning. Some blonde lady with dark blue eyes smiled at me as the boisterous conductor carried on trumpeting for tickets or something. I actually didn’t hear him properly, and just looked up from my Herman Hesse novel to see this lady smiling at me. I hesitated dumbly, then gave a thin, … Continue reading It’s no coincidence that sexy chicks always work in music shops, it’s a sadistic plan to make you feel embarrassed about buying daggy music.
J’s Diary Entry Tuesday, 27 June 1995 Sometimes I think about how much I’d like to explain myself fully to someone. Someone who would just sit there quietly, open and non-judging. I’d like to explain to them how a cheery boy with a love of reading developed a penchant for books exploring the “darker regions of the soul” he had not personally acquainted himself with. … Continue reading I fear the vulnerability of confession.
Today is your anniversary. It’s 4383 days since you left. I will play this song over and over today oh so loudly. Your favourite band. I will dance wildly. I will cry and I will laugh, I will remember and I will love you even more. Oh how I miss you sweet man. Come back, come back Don’t walk away Come back, … Continue reading An Aside from S
J’s Diary Entry Thursday, 18 May 1995 I said an awkward hello to Cav in the fax room today. It lifted me for a bit, made me think or rather tacitly hope that things would go back to how they were. I know they wont though. Exile is a little more dignified when it’s self imposed. I’m going to ask Caitlin if I can leave … Continue reading Reincarnation is my greatest fear. That, and the dentist.
J’s Diary Entry Wednesday, 17 May 1995 Actually thought about someone else today. I decided I shouldn’t kill myself until my sister has her baby. I actually didn’t want to stress her at this point. I wonder if anyone suspects how much it is on my mind? I truly hope not, I don’t want their suffocating concern. That’s why I like Simon, he’s such a … Continue reading I decided I shouldn’t kill myself until my sister has her baby.
There aren’t many pictures of J and I as small children. Many house moves, vindictive destruction of photo albums by divorcing parents have meant many are lost forever but I’ve found a few amongst my brothers belongings, they’re grainy and they’re old and they mean the world to me. They cared about us once, enough to take a photo. S Continue reading S & J 1973 – They cared about us once, enough to take a photo.
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