From: S Sent: 04 November 2002 2:49PM To: J Subject: Dick called ‘oh MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (in my best Janice voice). If he bags you one more time for not calling him, I told him off saying that he was in the middle of the bush on a dodgy mobile for god sake – how is anyone meant to call him! He says that last time … Continue reading I’ll swap you a kidney for some teeth.
—–Original Message—– From: S Sent: Monday, October 28, 2002 10:38PM To: J Subject: Just asking? When did you first know/think you were gay? Honestly…. From: J Sent: 28 October 2002 10:16PM To: S Subject: Re: Just asking? Let’s see, when did I first know? Well, there was always the bizzo of playing with the girls at primary school. Definitely had … Continue reading Do you like apples or pears? And why?
From: S Date: Friday, September 06, 2002 09:00 To: J Subject: Oh J, Life just doesn’t get any more fucked up than this. Barry’s mother killed herself on Tuesday morning. It’s all so strange, I’m struggling to understand any of it. The phone rang just after 3am, phone is on Barry’s side of the bed, he answered it, groggy and said “Hello, Oh, Yes, I understand. Yes, ok.” and … Continue reading Try explaining suicide to children.
From: S Date: 30 August 2002 01:18PM To: S Subject: Re: I thought I would faint… Hello Babe, You’re pulling my chain right? Gay support group? You’ve never struck me as the sort that would join a support group, you always seem so self sufficient even if it was due to self denial. Nothing new to report, life dull, diazepam great. love you S From: … Continue reading What sort of gay man am I?
From: S Date: 20 August 2002 05:30 To: J Subject: J I didn’t give Mum the letter I was just too too scared, really I am. But I do want to mail it. Oh fuck it, I don’t know what to do. I sent a tentative letter to Aunty Tia asking how she found mum when she was up there recently and I scantily touched on … Continue reading I just don’t believe that the hair in one’s ears should exceed in length the hair on one’s head.
From: S Date: 16 August 2002 11:23 AM To: J Subject: Hi Babe, Mum got off last night all ok. God the guilt I feel, how is it at the age of 33 our parents can still mind fuck me. Mum’s sport it would seem is to mess with my psychological state. I miss her when I don’t see her but am decimated by her … Continue reading But I’m just a cold fish.
In July 2002 Mum flew to the UK to spend time with us. Brady had just turned 7 and Ola was 2 years and 4 months old. It was a fraught and emotional visit. Mum has slid into what seemed like a deep, nasty hole, she was so angry, bitter, visceral. My mother has never been a kind, gentle, hugs and kisses type of person, … Continue reading I love you but I don’t like you.