Tag: funny

2003, Instant Messaging, The Last Chapter

Please pass the turkey to the vegetarian homosexual and his mink wearing sister.

8 Oct 2003 – INSTANT MESSENGER “MINK” CONVERSATION BETWEEN  J & S.   S: Hello baby, I’m back, finally got my email/instant messenger sorted out. J: Ah good, some QUALITY spam of mine was bounced back to me. Devastating! S: A question – Is it bad to want a mink? J: An answer – YES. S: Why? J: You sad old tart – what the fuck do you wanna … Continue reading Please pass the turkey to the vegetarian homosexual and his mink wearing sister.

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2002, Emails

A turkey wears ear plugs?

—–Original Message—– From: J Sent: 08 November 2002 6:04  AM To: S                                   Subject: Oooh! You know what I REALLY do want? This thing called a “Spy Ear”.  It’s this tiny little thing that looks like a radio but it’s an amplifier and you can listen in on people 30 feet away. They’re cheap, and they’re all over the web but I can’t find anyone to … Continue reading A turkey wears ear plugs?

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1997, Letters from J, Letters to S

I wonder if Sea Monkeys can scream.

Thursday 4 Sep. 1997 Dear S, Now this is just a quick letter to accompany your prezzies. Happy Birthday for the 8th, chick.  I hope you like my presents.  I decided to go for a different feel this year, I hope you like it.  If you don’t, just pretend, OK? I’ve decided this year to go for a theme. Nostalgic Kitsch. Lets start with the animal … Continue reading I wonder if Sea Monkeys can scream.

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1996, Letters from J, Letters to S

It was the first outing for my new hair-do. I was absurdly hopeful.

Thursday, 5 September, 1996 Hey Sis, Another day dribbles by.  Actually, it hasn’t dribbled, it’s been a crawl over broken glass and razor blades.  I’ve had a shocking day.  So irritable.  Dunno what’s wrong with me.  I think I need a holiday to tell the truth.  I haven’t had once since you were here in December. So what have I been doing?  Umm… I bleached … Continue reading It was the first outing for my new hair-do. I was absurdly hopeful.

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1996, Letters from J, Letters to S

I’m gonna fake more sickies, Sis. I’ve had a super day.

This letter was typed by J on his beat up old typewriter that he loved dearly.   Wednesday, 17 July 1996  1:49pm Hey Sis, I’m at home.  Faking a sickie.  Well, only half-faking, really.  I did feel pretty bad this morning.  I’ve been “coming down with something” for about four days: sore throat, dry cough, runny nose.  enough symptoms to lay the groundwork for a … Continue reading I’m gonna fake more sickies, Sis. I’ve had a super day.

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1996, Letters from J, Letters to S

This reticence of mine, is a vegetarianism of the soul.

Friday 28 June 1996  8:40am We’re having a food-scare here at the moment Sis.  It’s not quite up to your UK Mad Cow fiasco.  There’s this massive crop of peanuts that had Salmonella in it.  Now almost every single jar of peanut butter in Australia has been recalled.  There’s been over fifty cases of food poisoning.  Slater & Gordon (this really opportunistic law firm) has been advertising … Continue reading This reticence of mine, is a vegetarianism of the soul.

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1996, Letters from J, Letters to S

In between dates with Rosie (a Girl Scout Leader), Henry makes low-budget pseudo-snuff, schlock horror films. I’m serious.

Wednesday, 26 June 1996  8:15am Ah Sis, I bring to you another interesting story from the barrel of monkeys that is my work place.  Henry the Brit is starring in some sort of pseudo-snuff film.  I asked him what he did with his weekend, and he said ‘Ohh, I kidnapped a nun who had no undies on and raped her at knife-point.’  I smiled indulgently … Continue reading In between dates with Rosie (a Girl Scout Leader), Henry makes low-budget pseudo-snuff, schlock horror films. I’m serious.

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1996, Letters from J, Letters to S

So we eat Ox Tail and Ox Tongue – but what do we do with the rest of the Ox?

Tuesday, 24 June 1996  2:50am Gee it felt good not to drink Sis.  So righteous, so in control.  I liked it so much, that I did it again on Friday night.  Actually, everyone took it rather quietly, except Erin’s boyfriend, Billy.  He got pissed.  I think that getting pissed myself all the time has blinded me to the jibes that people make.  Sometimes I wonder … Continue reading So we eat Ox Tail and Ox Tongue – but what do we do with the rest of the Ox?

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1996, Letters from J, Letters to S

These fellas were wading through the vomit-lake and heaving with jocularity like Vikings. I quickly fled the scene.

Monday, 5 February 1996  11:08 am So Friday I go over to “Klicks” for drinks.  I’ve worked out my budget, and I know I really ought to go after two or three beers, because I’ve got this pub crawl thing with Quinn on Saturday night.  Quinn used to work here, now he’s in advertising with a four day week and an enormous bloody salary.  Anyway, … Continue reading These fellas were wading through the vomit-lake and heaving with jocularity like Vikings. I quickly fled the scene.

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