How to remove a turkey from your house.

  Emails between J and housemate Jade discussing the removal of Ian The Turkey. —–Original Message—– From: J Sent: Friday, 28 February 2003 9:14 AM To: Jade Subject: Well … How’ s the V&V going? Is it done yet? Was it an extravaganza? Dancing girls and donkey rides? Kissing booths and fire breathers? I remember when they launched the new logo at CPD, they had a … Continue reading How to remove a turkey from your house.

So we eat Ox Tail and Ox Tongue – but what do we do with the rest of the Ox?

Tuesday, 24 June 1996  2:50am Gee it felt good not to drink Sis.  So righteous, so in control.  I liked it so much, that I did it again on Friday night.  Actually, everyone took it rather quietly, except Erin’s boyfriend, Billy.  He got pissed.  I think that getting pissed myself all the time has blinded me to the jibes that people make.  Sometimes I wonder … Continue reading So we eat Ox Tail and Ox Tongue – but what do we do with the rest of the Ox?

Men with jowls don’t dance. 

Friday, 10 May 1996  8:35am It’s a New Age for J, Sis.  I had a bit of a revelation last night.  I was shaving after a bath to soothe away the rigours of the day, and I noticed something in my face I’d never spied before.  I’m getting jowls.  I’ve put on weight, and I’m getting jowls.  They’re embryonic jowls to be sure, but the … Continue reading Men with jowls don’t dance. 

Columbo investigates the Swedish Postal System.

Tuesday 21 November 1995  9:16AM Hey S, Tuesday mornin’, strollin’ up Collins Street, wading through a block and a half of baby-puke stink-smell that’s swirling invisibly around me from Elizabeth to Russell Street.  I’m wearing a new shirt.  It’s an ugly blue, gonna buy another two today, maybe. Just missed Princess Di’s diatribe on morning TV.  Not sorry really, I think she’s ghastly.  Goddamned show-pony, … Continue reading Columbo investigates the Swedish Postal System.

I’m like some over-cashed magpie looking to add another glossy treasure to my nest when I get in a shop.

Sunday, 5 November 1995  12:58PM S, Yesterday was torture.  Sooo hungover, I was ill all day.  I didn’t get enough sleep, and my stomach just never recovered from all the poison it had to contain on Friday night.  I’d had such a crap week, it was either go straight home or go on a bender.  I went to “Klicks” with the pious intention of walking … Continue reading I’m like some over-cashed magpie looking to add another glossy treasure to my nest when I get in a shop.

I even had on a mohair jumper! But all to no avail.

Monday, 3 July 1995  12:28pm S, Howdy.  Another heater-hugging morning down in the Antipodes.  I’ve got my big bulky coat on and The Stone Roses in my Walkman and I’m feeling nice and cosy.  I actually went to that party I was telling you about in my last letter.  It was in Richmond, between two factories.  Simon came over about 8pm with half a slab … Continue reading I even had on a mohair jumper! But all to no avail.

It’s sad and it’s childish but all I wanted was to be loved tonight. I wanted someone to kiss my neck, put their arms around my waist.

J’s Diary Entry Friday, 28 April 1995 Oh God what a dreadful evening this has turned out to be.  I went drinking with work folk minus Cav (who has flown to Sydney for the weekend). Simon came and I was pleased he did, he was in good, bitchy form – slagging off everyone.  Nadia and her boyfriend came.  I was flirting a little with Nadia, … Continue reading It’s sad and it’s childish but all I wanted was to be loved tonight. I wanted someone to kiss my neck, put their arms around my waist.