Tag: diary

1995, J's Diary Entries

I don’t know what I am. I hope that by adopting the idiosyncrasies of certain subcultures that I will find a place that feels like home.

J’s Diary Entry Thursday, 2 March 1995 Christ I’m drunk. I did not think that I would get this drunk on a drink I find so unpleasant, Scotch. I suppose I’ve drunk a little over half a bottle in three hours. Is that macho? I’m too drunk to know, but I hope it is.  I am taping “Hearts of Darkness”, but I thought I should … Continue reading I don’t know what I am. I hope that by adopting the idiosyncrasies of certain subcultures that I will find a place that feels like home.

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1995, An Aside, J's Diary Entries

I think about my death every day. I wish I had the audacity to burn out spectacularly, but I don’t.

J’s Diary Entry Tuesday, 28 Feb 1995 Thinking about longevity. Would I live my life more vigorously if I knew when it was going to end?  For some reason, I am at this moment struck by how conservatively I live. I live in fear of failure. I think of my death every day but my life moves so torpidly. I wish I had the audacity … Continue reading I think about my death every day. I wish I had the audacity to burn out spectacularly, but I don’t.

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1995, S Diary Entries

Life and Death in a Garden.

S Diary Entry – This is my diary entry I found amongst my correspondence dated 4 Feb 1995. Today I “woke up”, the sun shone and I rediscovered my garden. I thought it was utterly dead but it was just sleeping. I wandered about in it, there is much to do. Most of my seedlings have survived in the greenhouse.  My mood lifted, the dark clouds … Continue reading Life and Death in a Garden.

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1995, J's Diary Entries, Our Troublesome Father

Fucking politicians – we’re left with the cinders of their excuses.

J’s Diary Entries Sun 29 Jan 1995 Relaxing day (eventually), alternating watching videos and reading. I finished off the Nikolai Gogol novel “Dead Souls” (finally). I also started and finished a collection of Joseph Conrad’s shorter stories and novels including the one that “Apocalypse Now” was based on, “Heart of Darkness” It’s pretty good, Joseph Conrad’s an interesting guy. Born in Poland, spent his life … Continue reading Fucking politicians – we’re left with the cinders of their excuses.

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1995, J's Diary Entries

Lying is essential to fit in with society on that all-important superficial level. People really only want lip service.

J’s Diary Entries Saturday, 7 Jan, 1995 Spent the whole day getting this juggling thing down pat. I can do it for about a minute now, though I’m sure my next door neighbour must be sick of the sound of my balls thudding to the floor every minute or so. Moped around the house being annoyed at myself for spending all that money on booze last … Continue reading Lying is essential to fit in with society on that all-important superficial level. People really only want lip service.

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1995, J's Diary Entries, Our Troublesome Father

1 Jan 1995 – Happy New Year, now where is the vodka.

J kept a diary for most of 1995.  Having read all our correspondence and his diaries in chronological order, 1995 seems like a pivotal year for his thinking and the many changes and choices he makes.   Sun 1 Jan 1995 – Well, well, how exciting! A new diary. I’ve been dying to use it for the last few weeks, last year’s was simply too small … Continue reading 1 Jan 1995 – Happy New Year, now where is the vodka.

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1994, J's Diary Entries

Clothes shopping with Mum urrggh!

J Diary Entries Tue 20 Dec 1994 – Mum came into work to see me before she flies to Queensland. She’s full of guilt for leaving me alone, which is sweet. She bought me some great presents, one of those 30 Magic Eye poster books, where you have to send yourself cross-eyed before you can make it out. Spent the whole bloody day figuring out … Continue reading Clothes shopping with Mum urrggh!

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1994, J's Diary Entries

I am suspicious of eerily firm and colorful mangoes.

J’s Diary Entries for Nov 1994 Wed 16 Nov 1994 – Went into the city, by myself, and say Oliver Stone’s new flick “Natural Born Killers”.  I was a bit disappointed, it had some valid points to make about media & violence and childhood & violence but it was lost in all the flashiness.  Tommy Lee Jones was good as the warden though.  I hate going … Continue reading I am suspicious of eerily firm and colorful mangoes.

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1994, J's Diary Entries

She has green eyes and nice teeth. Think I’ve made a mistake.

J’s Diary Entries Wed 9 Nov ’94 – Tonight I met Cav’s Dad, he writes proudly for a weekly paper at the age of 69.  What an amazing man. Truly larger than life. Really funny, full of hidden talents – plays Chopin on the piano and drinks like a fish. Blue eyes, baldish, tall, large-framed. Proud of his German history. Cav’s Mum, also a well … Continue reading She has green eyes and nice teeth. Think I’ve made a mistake.

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