J’s Diary Entry Friday, 7 July 1995 I don’t want to do anything about Chloe unless I am completely sure that I won’t be rejected. And there’s the question of whether she’ll want me once she knows more about me. Self-mutilators don’t get much good press you know. And there’s the whole sex/performance thing which so poisoned the air between Leah and I. What if … Continue reading What if I wig out in the bedroom and she tells people?
J’s Diary Entry Tuesday, 27 June 1995 Sometimes I think about how much I’d like to explain myself fully to someone. Someone who would just sit there quietly, open and non-judging. I’d like to explain to them how a cheery boy with a love of reading developed a penchant for books exploring the “darker regions of the soul” he had not personally acquainted himself with. … Continue reading I fear the vulnerability of confession.
J’s Diary Entry Sunday, 25 June 1995 It’s funny how little things can have such an effect on you. I woke up early this morning, feeling over-vodka’d, and staggered down to the kitchen to gulp down freezing water to replenish my brain. I went shopping at the Little Food Mart just down the road, and I have vowed to never shop there again for fresh … Continue reading I just want people to know I’m not what I look like.
J’s Diary Entry Saturday, 10 June 1995 My sister had her baby. A girl with no name. 7lb, 12 oz, 11:45pm (UK time) 44 hour labour in all. S is Wonder Womb. The bub has curly black hair and plenty of it Mum says. I had to ring all the dud relatives, nerve-wracking experience. Christ, I am an Uncle! Today is also my one year … Continue reading I’m an Uncle to a girl with no name.
J’s Diary Entry XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX represents parts of his diary that my brother has sliced out and destroyed. Friday, 9 June 1995 Wow, what a weird night. Went over the road for drinks. I decided not to drink too much, and to this noble notion I stayed true, having only 5 neat vodkas. Most of the others got drunk, apart from Simon (who never really lets … Continue reading Bored to tears by violent tales of feline genealogy and death.
J’s Diary Entry Friday, 28 April 1995 Oh God what a dreadful evening this has turned out to be. I went drinking with work folk minus Cav (who has flown to Sydney for the weekend). Simon came and I was pleased he did, he was in good, bitchy form – slagging off everyone. Nadia and her boyfriend came. I was flirting a little with Nadia, … Continue reading It’s sad and it’s childish but all I wanted was to be loved tonight. I wanted someone to kiss my neck, put their arms around my waist.
J’s Diary Entries Wednesday, 26 April, 1995 Spoke to Mum on the phone today, she had some very interesting news. Apparently S is not going to Nan and Pop’s for Christmas. Mum said in definite, emphatic tones, “S and the baby are spending Christmas with you and me, up here at my house.” (as opposed to “down there” at Nana and Pop’s) I think Mum … Continue reading There’s such an art to letting friendships fizzle out.
J’s Diary Entries Thursday 20 April, 1995 (Mum’s Birthday) From what I can gather most people’s lives are linear, they start at one end and finish at the other. I’m beginning to wonder if mine is not spiral in nature. Sometimes I feel like I’m going backwards through already chartered areas. I started in the middle and wound my way out. Then I came to … Continue reading Most people’s lives are linear. I wonder if mine is not spiral in nature.
J Diary Entry Tuesday, 21 March, 1995 Good day. Woke up early and got in to work early. Worked hard nearly all day. Stayed until 7pm talking to Cav. Talked about all the usual stuff and walked down Collins Street together. Cav explained dual sexuality to me in the context of Tessa (from work). He and I disagree about Tessa in that he thinks she’s … Continue reading We survive not on instinct, but on knowledge.
J’s Diary Entry Monday, 13 March, 1995 I’m feeling particularly industrious today. I’ve done more than usual. I’ve done a bit of gardening, actually put my clothes away in the wardrobe and even done some work I brought home with me on Friday, wish I’d brought more home with me. The phone has rung a few times, and it was ignored, I suspect it was … Continue reading The high stakes of deep romantic fulfillment versus soul-shredding rejection. I am going to be alone forever.
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