Tag: depression

1995, Letters from J, Letters to S

Got a crick in my neck, from leaning forward in a meeting, trying to make myself look like a go-getter.

Monday, 11 September 1995  1:14PM I called you this morning.  And now I get to work, have a look at the calendar, and realize that my call was late, your birthday was Friday.  WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME!?  God, how embarrassing! I’m so sorry, I got my days mixed up.  It was a weird weekend. Friday night I went over good as my word, for … Continue reading Got a crick in my neck, from leaning forward in a meeting, trying to make myself look like a go-getter.

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1995, Letters from J, Letters to S

There’s no point in expecting anything from pointlessness.

Friday, 8 September 1995, 9:41PM Hey Sis. I’m all jittery, just had an unpleasant experience. My book was quoted as a source in the Australian Financial Review today, in a full page piece on Coles Myer (there’s intrigue galore there, even secret diaries have come out).  Hundreds of thousands of people would have read that article Sis. I’m quaking with fear. Now I’m starting to … Continue reading There’s no point in expecting anything from pointlessness.

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1995, Letters from J, Letters to S

I feel like floating up and never coming back, maybe I could take up a career as a cloud or something.

The next letter I received from J was dated from 4/9/95 to 27/9/95 it was 23 pages long and just over 10,000 words, he named it “The Monster Letter”.  I have broken it down into days for posting here.   Monday, 4 September 1995  9:18 AM S, Oh God. God God God. How do I begin this one?  Maybe with a swig from the neck … Continue reading I feel like floating up and never coming back, maybe I could take up a career as a cloud or something.

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1995, Letters from J, Letters to S

Well, I’m in two minds about it and let me tell you two minds are not better than one. Two minds require much more maintenance.

Wednesday, 23 August 1995 9:24am Bright bright morning, sun in my eyes on the tram.  No Summer clothes, coffee drunk too quickly scalding my lips and tongue.  A rushed start to the day. I’ve decided to become one of those despicable early to bed and early to rise people.  I wanna wake with the Summer dawn and feel righteous every day.  Maybe this is an echo … Continue reading Well, I’m in two minds about it and let me tell you two minds are not better than one. Two minds require much more maintenance.

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1995, Letters from J, Letters to S

I’m like ice-cream, delicious and sweet, but too much will make you puke.

Saturday, 12 August 1995  11:55am S, Yeah, check that date – I’m in at work on a Saturday.  And what a Saturday it is too, the mercury is set to soar to 17°, the sun is actually shining, and I’m here working.  Mum’s coming in to meet me at 2pm, and after she jumps back in her horseless carriage and zooms back to “Poo Town”, … Continue reading I’m like ice-cream, delicious and sweet, but too much will make you puke.

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1995, Letters from J, Letters to S

If everything is pointless, why not do anything, absolutely anything?

Wednesday, 26 July 1995 9:11am Howdy S, Another day.  Woke up late, no time to make my lunch.  Crept into my clothes, sleep unfurling smokily from my back as the tram sped me down Flemington Road.  And now here I am again, at this desk, blank as a soldier.  What difference does any of it make anyhow?  We’re all of us just big old sacks … Continue reading If everything is pointless, why not do anything, absolutely anything?

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1995, J's Diary Entries

I feel like the neglected girl-next-door, too plain, too sedentary.

J has cut out and completely removed three quarters of this page – all that remains is what he wrote at the bottom which follows. J’s Diary Entry  – Tuesday, 25 July 1995 Cav’s going to Canberra for a job interview tomorrow.  He’ll get the job, and he’ll leave (me) and go on to a fabulous life, never looking back.  I feel like the neglected girl-next-door, … Continue reading I feel like the neglected girl-next-door, too plain, too sedentary.

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1995, Letters from J, Letters to S

I’ve been living in dreamland Sis, and now I wake to find the hound of reality with its jaws planted firmly in the wobbily expanse of my ass.

Monday, 24 July 1995 11:19am S, Christ, I’ve got to get out of here Sis. I’ve got to leave work.  I’m so sick of it here, I’m at the point where every little daily injustice outrages me to the point where I feel like my moral soul is being massaged by a cheese grater.  I can’t fucking stand it anymore. If I had a job … Continue reading I’ve been living in dreamland Sis, and now I wake to find the hound of reality with its jaws planted firmly in the wobbily expanse of my ass.

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1995, J's Diary Entries

Nice chatting to you Sis.

XXXX represents the parts of his diaries that J has cut out and destroyed.   J’s Diary Entry Friday, 21 July 1995 S rang tonight, she was after the phone number of a florist in “Poo Town”.  I heard Brady crying in the background.  It was a nice chat, I got inordinately excited, I wonder if Leah noticed, and if so, what she thought of it. … Continue reading Nice chatting to you Sis.

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1995, J's Diary Entries

I have succumbed entirely to this remote-activated romance. What can I say? I want to be loved.

J’s Diary Entry Monday, 17 July 1995 Had an odd sort of day, full of ups and downs. I woke early and got to Collins Place at 8:30am, so I had time to leisurely drink my cappuccino and read the Herald-Sun. Was in a good mood, working solidly until Caitlin came in and enlightened Simon and I with the news that all Company Secretaries of … Continue reading I have succumbed entirely to this remote-activated romance. What can I say? I want to be loved.

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