Tuesday, 3 August 1993 S, How are you? I’ve had the most fucked day in the history of fucked days. You know, it’s just one of those days where you wake up mean. I woke up before 6am and I feel like it! I fell back asleep again, but of course only just before the alarm went off, so I acted out some of my more … Continue reading I’m really cranky and make no apologies for it, so fuck ya’s all!!
Thursday, 10 June 1993 How you going Sis? How’s married life treating you? (I thought I’d get as many clichés out of the way as soon as possible.) How’s life in England? I can’t believe I’ve been back for over a month already, it doesn’t feel like it. I still feel refreshed I guess, which is good I suppose, though Winter is closing in upon … Continue reading Shut your ugly turtle face!
Sunday, 2 May 1993 Dear S and Jack, Welcome home. Thanks for letting me stay here while you were honeymooning back home and in Bali. Not that time in Poo Town would count as a honeymoon in my book! I’ve had a great time, I’ve tried not to break anything, it’s a nice place S, I’m happy for you. I’ve bought a tonne of stuff … Continue reading A thank you note from our house-sitter.
Friday, 19 February 1993 Dear S It’s fucking ace to hear from you, I got your aerogram today from Sue’s daughter Donna who works here too. (That’s how I got the job in the first place) Sue has been collecting the mail for us while Mum’s over in Old Blighty with you? How is she? Fussing like a maniac I’ll bet. And how are you? … Continue reading Proof Reading, Princess Turd & Dead Cats
6 January 1993 Dear J Well this must come as a big surprise to you. Your big ugly sister actually putting pen to paper. Hope you are alive and kicking hard. Mum says that you went to Queensland but not much else. Who did you go with? Where to and for how long? Nosey huh? Well it is all getting rather close now and I’m excited … Continue reading I’m not sure if marriage is going to suit me but I won’t know ’til I try.
Monday, 21 December 1992 Dear S I thought you would like to read these pieces from Granny’s funeral. Pop and I have just come back from the nursing home, we have made a donation to the home towards a special kind of bed that is needed for the bedridden people, so instead of flowers and chocolates etc we have done it this way. Uncle Arthur won … Continue reading Not sure how being buried is any better…..
Friday, 27 November 1992 Dear Sis, So now I am twenty. I don’t think I like it that much really, well, only when I think about it. It doesn’t occur to me most of the time. I don’t feel twenty, twenty years old, by twenty you’re supposed to be mature and all that shit. I dunno, nineteen just sounds so much younger, you know? God … Continue reading It’s enough to turn you into a Socialist
Monday, 23 November 1992 S Baby! How’s it going? Why haven’t you written you pussy nodule on the anus of humanity? (Like it? I thought of it myself). I’m on an extremely late and extremely boring lunch break and I thought it was time I typed you a little letter with my machine-gun typing skills. So why haven’t you written? Were you as completely outraged … Continue reading Mum & The Nipple Police
Thursday, 22 October 1992 Howdy Sis, Sorry I haven’t written in so long, but I’ve been on holidays while Mum was over there with you and I haven’t had access to a keyboard, and I’m so damn lazy these days that I really can’t write letters by hand any more. So how was Mum? She got back here last night and she seems so much … Continue reading Back when we used videos and we had to finish a roll of film before we could see the photos.
DON’T SHOW THIS TO MUM. IT CONTAINS COARSE LANGUAGE, ADULT CONCEPTS AND SOME LOW LEVEL VIOLENCE, IT IS NOT SUITABLE FOR PARENTS. SIBLING DISCRETION IS STRONGLY ADVISED. 14 September 1992 Hullo, Yet one more dull lunchtime. So tell me something thrilling. About the Royals, they’ll do. Only kidding, I mean didn’t anyone think that poor Fergie had nipples? What’s the big deal man? I went … Continue reading With love from Hellfire Club Member Number 52.
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