Mum & The Nipple Police

Monday, 23 November 1992

S Baby!  How’s it going?

Why haven’t you written you pussy nodule on the anus of humanity? (Like it? I thought of it myself).  I’m on an extremely late and extremely boring lunch break and I thought it was time I typed you a little letter with my machine-gun typing skills.

So why haven’t you written?  Were you as completely outraged at my Nipple Crime as Mum was?  When she found out she went completely psycho.  I haven’t seen her go so sick since I used to tease my hair.  She told me I was a degenerate and that she was completely and utterly disgusted and that I didn’t deserve this and I didn’t deserve that and that I was a bad person and on and on and on.  Let me tell you I was fucking pissed off.

I thought to myself “Yeah, what a horrible person I am, a 19 year old (20 this week actually) with a steady job who’s saving over two hundred dollars a week to go overseas, a person with no criminal record, a person who gives that blind bloke at the station a dollar each week for the Blind Dog Association.  I tell you I was so fucking mad I could hardly speak.  I mean it’s my bloody body, it’s not putting her out in any way.  Oh yeah that reminds me – the first thing she said was “Don’t you dare tell anybody – I’D DIE!!” – talk about being at the mercy of other people’s opinions, which is especially bad considering the single figure tolerancy factor of most of Mum’s friends.  But of course I couldn’t come up with any of this at the time so I guess she thought that righteousness was on her side.

So anyway, I gave her the chilliest shoulder I’ve ever had the pleasure of presenting and after a few days I think she may have seen reason and was nice to me.  Still, I was dead offended.   By the way, I took some photo’s to show you but I resembled rather too closely for my liking certain members of the Sea Lion family to permit them to be entered for family viewing.

Anyway I’d better go, I just thought I’d let you know that I’m not on the run from the Nipple Police or anything and that I still think of you.

Love J

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