Monday, 23 November 1992
S Baby! How’s it going?
Why haven’t you written you pussy nodule on the anus of humanity? (Like it? I thought of it myself). I’m on an extremely late and extremely boring lunch break and I thought it was time I typed you a little letter with my machine-gun typing skills.
So why haven’t you written? Were you as completely outraged at my Nipple Crime as Mum was? When she found out she went completely psycho. I haven’t seen her go so sick since I used to tease my hair. She told me I was a degenerate and that she was completely and utterly disgusted and that I didn’t deserve this and I didn’t deserve that and that I was a bad person and on and on and on. Let me tell you I was fucking pissed off.
I thought to myself “Yeah, what a horrible person I am, a 19 year old (20 this week actually) with a steady job who’s saving over two hundred dollars a week to go overseas, a person with no criminal record, a person who gives that blind bloke at the station a dollar each week for the Blind Dog Association. I tell you I was so fucking mad I could hardly speak. I mean it’s my bloody body, it’s not putting her out in any way. Oh yeah that reminds me – the first thing she said was “Don’t you dare tell anybody – I’D DIE!!” – talk about being at the mercy of other people’s opinions, which is especially bad considering the single figure tolerancy factor of most of Mum’s friends. But of course I couldn’t come up with any of this at the time so I guess she thought that righteousness was on her side.
So anyway, I gave her the chilliest shoulder I’ve ever had the pleasure of presenting and after a few days I think she may have seen reason and was nice to me. Still, I was dead offended. By the way, I took some photo’s to show you but I resembled rather too closely for my liking certain members of the Sea Lion family to permit them to be entered for family viewing.
Anyway I’d better go, I just thought I’d let you know that I’m not on the run from the Nipple Police or anything and that I still think of you.