I think about people being dead all the time.

—–Original Message—– From: S  Sent: Thursday, November 08, 2001 8:29 PM To: J Subject: No problems most of what I send is crap anyway, think of how much more time I’ll have to do some  work. I feel really bad, but I had such trouble talking to mum, it took me over a week, I don’t really know why, just found I couldn’t pick up … Continue reading I think about people being dead all the time.

I mumbled like you’ve never heard a man mumble before.

Fax from J to S (J always posted letters, to receive a fax meant it was an ’emergency situation’   Friday 7 June 1996  17:16 Hey Sis, Mum took off about 40 minutes ago, so you’re probably all excited and everything, and I don’t mean to bring you down, but I’ve got this kind of emergency situation goin’ on and I could use some advice. … Continue reading I mumbled like you’ve never heard a man mumble before.

It’s not the meek that shall inherit the earth, it’s the technologically literate.

Thursday, 9 May 1996  8:30am Howdy S, Spoke to Mum on the phone yesterday.  We chit-chatted. Aunty Marge is coming down for the weekend for some genealogy grave-robbing gig with Ma. So anyway, we’re chattin’ away, and Mum Says ‘Oh your sister called on Sunday by the way.  ‘Really, how is she?  What’s she doing?  ‘Well, it was so early, I answered the phone all … Continue reading It’s not the meek that shall inherit the earth, it’s the technologically literate.

When on earth did Mum start playing the pokies?

FAX FROM MUM TO S 2:20pm 31ST JULY 1995 Dear S, Thank you for the beautiful flowers – hot pink roses and irises. You really are a naughty girl to do that, but they are absolutely beautiful. I am sitting here looking at my beautiful granddaughter, I have put her photo in a frame below my computer screen.  I guess she is still talking about … Continue reading When on earth did Mum start playing the pokies?

I’m writing to you from the belly of the beast.

Tuesday, 27 June 1995 8:04am Good morning, At least, it is here anyway.  I’m in early, kudos to me, kudos to me.  I woke up at 5am, listened to the radio for a while, and, seized with expiatory zeal, I thought I’d come in early to make recompense for my days of wayward bludging earlier this year.  Truth is I couldn’t get back to sleep … Continue reading I’m writing to you from the belly of the beast.

The honourable course of action just seems too fraught with difficulty. 

Thursday, 10 March 1994 Dear S, Hi, the Despatch Boy (ok it is weird calling him Despatch Boy now that he has a son) is away again, so Simon is filling in for him which leaves me companionless for the day, which leads me to ponder things best left un-pondered.  Such as the moral nature of these undertakings with Leah. I’m beginning to think that … Continue reading The honourable course of action just seems too fraught with difficulty. 

It’s enough to turn you into a Socialist

Friday, 27 November 1992 Dear Sis, So now I am twenty.  I don’t think I like it that much really, well, only when I think about it.  It doesn’t occur to me most of the time.  I don’t feel twenty, twenty years old, by twenty you’re supposed to be mature and all that shit.  I dunno, nineteen just sounds so much younger, you know? God … Continue reading It’s enough to turn you into a Socialist

Mum & The Nipple Police

Monday, 23 November 1992 S Baby!  How’s it going? Why haven’t you written you pussy nodule on the anus of humanity? (Like it? I thought of it myself).  I’m on an extremely late and extremely boring lunch break and I thought it was time I typed you a little letter with my machine-gun typing skills. So why haven’t you written?  Were you as completely outraged … Continue reading Mum & The Nipple Police

Caught smoking “Geraniums” by Mum and Dad.

Friday, 1 November 1991  8:14pm Dear Jewel of My Universe, Howe bee youe?  You’re letter was fulle of ye olde Englishe slange so I assume ye transition to the land of Pomp and Splendour is complete, ande yae verily have I adjusted my texte soe ye wille bee ablee to reade ite. Haaah! funny eh?  How are you?  I just had a letter telling me … Continue reading Caught smoking “Geraniums” by Mum and Dad.