-----Original Message-----

From:    S
Sent:    Thursday, October  10, 2002 6:31 PM
To:      J
Subject: You Gotta Laugh

Mum asked if I heard from Dad on my birthday, I said ‘Yes’, and told her that he had his usual whinge at me that he hasn’t spoken to you in ages. The rest of the conversation went like this

‘Then you don’t think J has told him?’

‘Told him what Mum?’

‘That he is you know.’

‘No what?’

‘A Homosexual’

‘No Mum I don’t think he has’

‘S Do you think it is just a phase J is going through?  I hear it is quite a trendy phase to be having these days.’

‘Ah No Mum, I don’t think so, J is gay, J is happy, J is gay and happy.’

‘Oh’

Glad you liked the pictures. Will email later, got thousands of things to be doing before the Sales Manager starts hunting me down today.

Love

S

From:    J
Sent:    11 October 2002  12:40 AM
To:      S
Subject: RE: You Gotta Laugh

That’s hilarious! I can’t WAIT to bring a boyfriend home to meet her, hopefully a refugee or a Koori. I’m currently stalking this guy Steve from Pooftas Anonymous. He’s English, from Essex (doesn’t that mean he’s easy?) and went to Oxford but you can’t tell, thankfully.  He’s 34, or 32 – can’t remember –  dark blond, a bit taller than me, skinny and works as an economist for a Government OHS Insurance provider/watchdog.

I’m currently wooing him with my emails. I had some competition from some frigid pretty Greek farmer boy but he seems to be off the scene now, thankfully. It’s actually a good time to pounce at the moment but I can’t cos I ain’t got no money (put it all on my credit card and am now cash-strapped until Thursday, daammit).

Anyway,  I’ll let you know if there are any developments.

Oh – and it’s also hilarious that Dick is now whingeing at YOU about never hearing from  ME. That’s all I used to get from him, every time I spoke to him (and I mean EVERY TIME) the first thing he would always say was “Heard from your sister?”  Ha! You know, he’s starting to get a bit bolshie with me.  Last time he called he said in that pitiful tone he uses to try to make you feel guilty (fat chance!) “Hmm, I left me mobile on when we were in range cos I thought you might give us a call but you never did. Ah well, Digger, that be life. That be life.”  That. Be. Life. Can you believe it? “That be life.” What IS it with all these rural affectations he’s taking on in his old age? “That be life.” For Chrissakes, he’s spent the last 40 years living in “Poo Town”, he should be saying “Shit happens,” or “Life is fucked.”

I know what you’re going to say, but do you think I should tell him about my sissy ways? I don’t see how it can happen, we never talk about anything personal. I’ve rehearsed telling him, naturally, but it’s always been in the context of a fight and I don’t think I’ll ever have a fight with him, it’s just not how we communicate. Bah – who cares? Let him find out on the grapevine. I’ll tell Aunty Mim and she can tell everyone else. Actually, Aunty Mim probably wouldn’t blab. Who could I tell that would blab it? Ah, who cares? Do you reckon Ma’s told any of her mates? Somehow I doubt it. What do you think I should do if I’m down in “Poo Town” sometime and one of her chums asks me if I’ve got a girlfriend or something?  Is it now Mum’s secret or is it mine? Is very confusing. Ooh I know – I’ll tell Lizzy – she’s a gossip isn’t she?  Ah, it’s great being part of a minority – you get to cruelly shock  people and still feel persecuted and demand special privileges ha ha!

J