What sort of a person goes on other people’s dates? I’ll tell you, THE DEVIL, that’s who.

From:     J
Sent:     18 October 2002 5:57AM
To:       S
Subject:  I am the Devil

Ah S, I am the DEVIL! I am Satan HIMSELF!

Alright, you know how I went to that Pooftas Anonymous thing, right? Well, you know how I had a few admirers from that: Lance – creepy older guy, Bruno – another creepy guy and Jean-Jacques, the rather sweet Mauritian guy. Remember Jean-Jacques put the moves on me but I told him I wasn’t interested. We’re still chums tho, in fact we’re going out this Saturday night. Anyway, a while ago while me ‘n Jean-Jacques were at the Peel Hotel, having a boogey, and he told me that this OTHER guy from Poofta’s Anonymous had the hots for me – Steven. Now I was quite keen on Steve so I gave him a call and we emailed a bit. Eventually we decided to catch up for drinks. That was last night.

We met at ‘Pound Bar’ this tiny little bar off Chapel Street where the drinks are expensive and the people are beautiful. We sat outside in the glorious weather. He drank chardonnay, I drank beer. Unfortunately, he couldn’t stay long cos he had a date organised with this other guy, Pete. This did not make me happy – competition is good in your banking and telecommunications carriers, but not in the object of your obsession, Oh no. So I set about getting Steve drunk. It wasn’t too hard. He’d had a long lunch for someone’s farewell that day and he’d come straight from work.

So everything was going well, the drinks were flowing, we were chatting, having a larf, and I started goading him into slagging off this other bloke. Apparently Pete reckons he’s “too good looking” to go to gay bars cos he just gets harassed all the time. And he’s quiet, doesn’t say much. An easy target, mate, an eee-easy target. Anyway, I was flirting with Steve and we made plans to meet up again soon and he started saying that he wished he didn’t have to go on this date cos he was having such a good time with me so I said, “Don’t worry, I’ll come WITH you!”

What sort of a person goes on OTHER PEOPLE’S dates? I’ll tell you, THE DEVIL, that’s who. So Steve and I “bumped into each other” in the pub they were meant to meet up at and I went back to the table.

This other guy, Pete, he WAS good looking, but in a faded sort of way. A bit up himself. And he WAS quiet, so I turned my personality up to eleven and was my most charming, witty, loudmouthed self (and it’s not too pretty after that much beer Sis, let me tell you). Half flirting with Pete, half flirting with Steve, I really had no idea what I was doing but I knew it was sinful. Don’t get between me and the object of my affection, I’ll do you in!

And Pete was weird about money. Steve bought him two drinks, then Pete goes to the bar, buys himself a drink, but nothing for me or Steve. And then he tells us how much money he makes (a lot). I went and got Steve a water, cos I’m a stand-up kinda guy, dig? Pete went to the toilet and I ALMOST pashed Steve while he was gone, but I stopped myself just in time. Even I’m not that evil.

I finished my one beer I left. Steve was looking a bit worse for wear and a bit awkward (I can’t imagine why!) so I flapped off down Commercial Road, cackling loudly all the way home.

Steve emailed me this morning, saying that he and Pete didn’t stay much longer and asking if was still keen to see him again. I said “O yes”. Ha ha haaa! Who says evil never triumphs?


PS: Loved the Anna Nicole Smith site you sent – I reckon she’s tops in a really bad way!

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