J’s Diary Entry

Monday, 5 June 1995

My God!  It’s so cruelly cold in my house. My hands are so cold I can hardly write.

Stood in a queue today next to some Canadian guy chatting with a 50-ish Australian woman about Melbourne.  He was tall, lanky, blonde, tanned and had a slight lisp, that made his s’s sound like zh’s, if you know what I mean.  He sounded nice, but looked, I dunno, a bit mad I guess. Like he had a latent propensity for violence.  It was nice to listen to his accent, deep rather soft voice.  I could feel his breath in my hair, which freaked me out a little.

I had to re-do all of Friday’s work because of some fuck up with my login script.  Amazing how you can do a whole day’s work in two and a half hours if you put your mind to it.

S still hasn’t had her baby.

Friday, 6 June, 1995

J the Handeeeeee- MAN continues his conquest of the world of hardware. Tonight I wall-mounted my Dustbuster.  I rang Mum in England to make sure it was OK first, but I still did it. On my own, too. I did it good too, Ma. Reeeal good. Uh huh, I’m so proud.  I only had to drill two holes in the wall, BUT they’re the right width, height and depth. This small, ridiculous chore is a triumph for me. My life is that sad.

Talked to Simon about how desperate I am for a root. I’m not really, but I thought I should make out like I am. I told him how I regretted letting everyone in the office know about my celibate state, about the position it’s placed me in.  If I stay celibate, I remain the butt of jokes, but I couldn’t stand the fuss they’d make if I met someone. How would I ever tell anyone I had met someone? I’m a bit worried about this Friday nights drinks. Simon has gone around the office touting it as my big Celibacy Anniversary Celebration. This is really because he’s coming for drinks for a change, and wants everyone to be there.  He doesn’t want to say “Please come on Friday ‘coz I’ll be there” in case no-one comes.  This way, if no-one comes, I’ll look unpopular instead. I don’t think he was even aware that he was doing it. I still like him anyway.

Fare-dodged on tram tonight, paid in the morning though dammit. Geez I feel lonely tonight. I can’t help thinking that life would at least be more interesting with another person. Lonely, lonely, lonely.  If only I had the self-esteem to withstand the knock backs endemic in the dating/mating world.  If, if, if.

S still hasn’t had her baby.

Art by J