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1995, J's Diary Entries

This artifice of depression has wormed its way into my head and, like a Swiss backpacker, has overstayed its welcome.

J’s Diary Entry Sunday, 28 May 1995 Not much of a day.  Returned some library books, did some shopping, did some washing. Cooked cous-cous, wasn’t half bad actually. Leah stayed at Aidans’s last night. They went to a 21st birthday party, Leah had some falling-out with Aidan’s Mum and came home early today.  She’s pissed off.  We went for a bit of a drive around … Continue reading This artifice of depression has wormed its way into my head and, like a Swiss backpacker, has overstayed its welcome.

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1995, J's Diary Entries

There’s never a black horse around when you need one.

J’s Diary Entry Friday, 26 May 1995 Whooh! Friday night drinks are getting out of control.  It started at “Klicks”.  I was feeling slightly off-colour after a lunch of quiche and was in two minds about going.  I went anyway.  Being concerned about the state of my teeth, I drank neat shots of vodka to avoid sugary mixers. A mistake.  Because there wasn’t much to them, … Continue reading There’s never a black horse around when you need one.

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1995, Letters from J, Letters to S

My workmates have about as much sensitivity as a Russian condom.

Monday, 22 May 1995  1:38pm Dear Sis, Howdy.  I thought of you on the tram this morning.  A pregnant lady was sitting opposite me, rubbing her belly with this secretive smile.  It was a bit creepy to tell you the truth.  Then the tram conductor sat diagonally opposite me and started talking to himself as he leafed through the form guide.  He didn’t ask for … Continue reading My workmates have about as much sensitivity as a Russian condom.

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1995, J's Diary Entries

Reincarnation is my greatest fear. That, and the dentist.

J’s Diary Entry Thursday, 18 May 1995 I said an awkward hello to Cav in the fax room today.  It lifted me for a bit, made me think or rather tacitly hope that things would go back to how they were.  I know they wont though.  Exile is a little more dignified when it’s self imposed.  I’m going to ask Caitlin if I can leave … Continue reading Reincarnation is my greatest fear. That, and the dentist.

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1995, J's Diary Entries

I decided I shouldn’t kill myself until my sister has her baby.

J’s Diary Entry Wednesday, 17 May 1995 Actually thought about someone else today.  I decided I shouldn’t kill myself until my sister has her baby.  I actually didn’t want to stress her at this point.  I wonder if anyone suspects how much it is on my mind?  I truly hope not, I don’t want their suffocating concern.  That’s why I like Simon, he’s such a … Continue reading I decided I shouldn’t kill myself until my sister has her baby.

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1995, J's Diary Entries

My new found optimism is fading badly.

J’s Diary Entry Tuesday, 16 May 1995 Trying hard to hold it together.  My new found optimism is fading badly.  Spent another day mired in ill-humour.  Christopher Watts rang me at work and invited me to the Builders Arms again. (He cancelled last time).  I rushed home, showered, caught a tram back into the City and waited for the No 86 to Bundoora.  I waited. … Continue reading My new found optimism is fading badly.

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1995, J's Diary Entries, Uncategorized

I need to get better at handling rejection. I guess I can’t make people like me.

J’s Diary Entry Monday, 15 May 1995 Just figured out I was snubbed on Friday night.  I was not invited for Friday drinks on purpose.  Jeremy blabbed.  Well, not really blabbed, but he made it obvious.  I was at the printer, and he asked me if I went straight home on Friday.  I said yes, and he said something about how he had a few … Continue reading I need to get better at handling rejection. I guess I can’t make people like me.

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1995, Letters from J, Letters to S

If I feel the need to flee, I’ll start acting appallingly. Maybe I should make myself a menu of atrocities to commit, in case I go blank at a critical moment.

Thursday, 4 May, 1995 S, We just had to key in Nancy Wake’s entry for  “Who the Fuck Cares”.  Wow, bit of an awesome resume.  I saw a TV program on her once, she was pretty wild in the French Resistance.  You know she executed a female Nazi prisoner.  I wonder if she got the taste for blood, she seemed pretty enthusiastic about the execution … Continue reading If I feel the need to flee, I’ll start acting appallingly. Maybe I should make myself a menu of atrocities to commit, in case I go blank at a critical moment.

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1994, J's Diary Entries

Clothes shopping with Mum urrggh!

J Diary Entries Tue 20 Dec 1994 – Mum came into work to see me before she flies to Queensland. She’s full of guilt for leaving me alone, which is sweet. She bought me some great presents, one of those 30 Magic Eye poster books, where you have to send yourself cross-eyed before you can make it out. Spent the whole bloody day figuring out … Continue reading Clothes shopping with Mum urrggh!

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1994, Not Sent/Received

Between the office and the bistro, I have appropriated for myself an incredibly shitty mood, and the forecast is for a bit more shittiness followed by a cold front of irritability. 

THIS IS ANOTHER ONE OF THE LETTERS/WRITINGS MY BROTHER WROTE FOR ME, BUT I NEVER RECEIVED.  IT WAS AMONGST HIS DIARIES AND OTHER DOCUMENTS I FOUND AFTER HIS DEATH, HE HAD WRITTEN “UNSENT” ON IT. IT IS DATED 22 JUN 1994 . Dear Sis, What an absolutely crap day I’m having, so crap in fact, that I felt it simply had to be shared.  I just had lunch … Continue reading Between the office and the bistro, I have appropriated for myself an incredibly shitty mood, and the forecast is for a bit more shittiness followed by a cold front of irritability. 

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