March 1999
Brady and I flew to Australia for a holiday and to celebrate my Aunty Tia’s (my mothers only sister) 50th birthday. We stayed in Melbourne with my Mum and Winky, and we all flew to Queensland for the big birthday party, it was a lovely time. It was warm, there was swimming, family, memories shared and made, lots of laughter – my Aunty Tia is a fabulous person – funny, wild, accepting, generous with her love and time (polar opposite to my mother). I enjoyed being with Brady after having worked far and wide – I came back to earth, happy and content.
During this time I was keeping a gratitude journal it was a small silk covered book I bought in Hong Kong when I was 12, travelling there with Mum, Dad and J. I always thought this book so precious and perfect I never wanted to write in it – I didn’t want to spoil it. I had this beautiful journal 19 years before I had anything I thought worthy enough to write in it!
My Gratitude Journal
“Gratitude turns denial into acceptance,
Chaos to order,
Confusion to clarity.
Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.”
The words above are from a book I was reading at the time and I can’t remember it or find it but it is attributable to a wise author somewhere. If you know who created these words I would be grateful if you could please let me know so that I can acknowledge them accordingly.
**Soulspeak kindly let me know in the comments below that these wise words are attributable to Melody Beattie.
Wednesday, 10 March 1999
Today I give thanks for;
- The pride I felt seeing my brother in his suit
- The smile and held look J gave me when we said goodbye
- Licking Brady’s face when tucking her in and hearing her hearty little girls’ giggle
- The colours in all the kimonos I saw today
- Brady’s tears at the end of the clock at Diamaru
To this day I remember the look J gave me when we said goodbye – of course it has a whole new meaning since 2004. I now know that every time we said goodbye he thought it would be the last time – until it was.
S
deadmansdiaries.com 
Its also in much of his writing, as if he believes, those words could be his last…then, there were more…until …there were no more…
I have grown so in love with J and his energy, his excitement, his sorrow even. There is something so real in each word, he carefully weighed, and shared. His words matter, and He Matters..and S…that quote is from Melody Beattie, author of the book Codependent No More. “Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” Thank you for sharing so deeply your heart. Namaste’ and Blessings abundant
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Thank you Soulspeak, those words are so lovely and strikingly true. Gratitude is really helping me at this moment. I’m now typing some of J’s last and dark diaries and I’m looking for things to grasp onto, to try and make sense of it all. Sometimes it reads like he just became someone else completely.
I am grateful to you and all you have done to get me through this, I truly am.
S
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Yep, gratitude is the stuff of life.
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Gratitude is an immense energy, driven by the true heart and the Divine offers the Grace, to hold our hands through the darkness, from the wounds that still make the skin feel raw. Gratitude somehow allows us to accept in totality, unconditionally. Thank you for I truly do know, how hard tnis healing becomes, yet, how amazing your heart and soul have grown stronger through this endeavor. Blessings always S….Namaste’ truly
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