Fri 23 Dec 1994 – Work Break-Up Day, I didn’t handle myself terribly well. In my headlong determined rush to have a good time, I drank too much, hoping to set an example for my fellow reticent revelers. Fuck they’re a boring bunch. So young and earnest and mature – controlled. DULL!! At least Caleb liked his present.  I got a “CANDOM” from Quinn. It’s a stubby holder fashioned in the likeness of a condom which you roll up the can from the base. Made from some awful petro-chemical concoction, it smells like the water-wings of childhood, which is kind of sweet in a twisted way.  I blushed like mad when I opened it which was embarrassing. Cav’s Dad dropped in, he didn’t notice me which I was glad about.

Most embarrassing moment was when Jeremy was bemoaning some football personality’s imminent demise courtesy of cancer. I said “So what? Who doesn’t have cancer? I have cancer of the soul.” I tried to laugh it off, but Cav looked at me and scoffed disgustedly. At least I was drunk, that’s some excuse.

Afterwards I walked down Bourke Street with Cav who was trying to dump me. I should know better, I should avoid him but I can’t seem to help it. I wish he weren’t so reserved and calculating in his discourse, it’s very frustrating. I bought a bottle of vodka some groceries and home to watch repeats of “Drop the Dead Donkey”.

I left the ConFest ticket at work, so I definitely can’t go now, even though I found out Willow from work is going and said I could hang out with her (I felt so pathetic when she said that). I tried to ring Penny to tell her but there was no answer, though I have a feeling she was probably there. I think I might unplug the phone for these 10 days I have off work.

Sat 24 Dec – Dad came over at 10am and dropped off all the camping stuff for this trip I’m now pretending to go on. I gave him a Christmas Card and letter to pass on to Nana and Pop. Dad has a mobile phone now. I told him they give you brain cancer. I think he believed it. Leah called from the airport full of reproach because I didn’t call to wish her a Merry Little Christmas. I’m such a cunt, no wonder I have no friends. Hired a few videos, bought a bottle of vodka. Thus shall I while away the Christmas hours.

Sun 25 Dec CHRISTMAS DAY – So much for spending Christmas alone – I felt like I was on the phone all bloody day. S rang at 11am. I rang Nana and Pop at 1:30pm (thankfully Dad was asleep following the luncheon gorge). Then I rang Mum at 3pm I’m glad to say she sounded like she was having a whale of a time. They were playing that game where you’ve got a name stuck to your head and have to figure out who it is. I sort of wish I’d gone, but I don’t know if I could really do that sort of thing. There’d be no escape hatch.

Rang Penny and wimped out of ConFest trip on account of leaving ticket at work. She could tell I didn’t really want to go, but we made promises to do something when she gets back.

Mon 26 Dec – Got pissed, watched videos, and in the late afternoon accompanied Brett and Lara to Brighton Beach where I welshed on swimming then we saw “Interview with a Vampire” at Brighton Bay Twin Cinemas. I talked too much on the car ride home. I think I may have gotten on their nerves with my constant questions about the movie and related issues. Perhaps I should pay more attention to the value of silence sometimes.