J Diary Entries

Tue 20 Sep 1994 – Simon’s triumphant return – sound the horns! complete with (perhaps) glandular fever.  It’s good to have him back, I’ve missed him.  Simon is my principal human contact, I’ve withdrawn in his absence. I was even a little hurt when he went to talk to Cav before me. Silly really – I’m jealous. Half of me resents the sociability he draws out in me, the other half rushes toward him, eager for approval.

Mum rang today. She sounded pissed off that I haven’t called for a while. She suggested she and I go visit Nan and Pop. I don’t want to disrupt my pattern, I don’t want to renew old (no pun intended) acquaintances. I don’t want to be close to my grandparents because I don’t want their deaths to affect me. I fear the pain of losing someone close, so I want to keep everyone at bay. A distant far-off bay.  That’s kinda primitive I guess.  Asked Mum for some bars to be put on the bedroom windows after those people were fooling about in my backyard at 2am the other night, scaring the shit out of me. I ran to the kitchen and got a knife just in case. Pretty stupid, as if I could ever stab someone.

Started “The Brothers Karamazov” on my Chesterfield, blocking out the traffic noise and sketching a family history of the Karamazov Clan with innumerably syllabicated names and derivatives. Damn Russian nomenclature.

It’s raining.

Thur 22 Sep – Simon was away sick so Jeremy seized the opportunity to annoy me by using Simon’s desk all day and putting women down.  I fucking hate him.  I told him he may not ever mention women and his views thereof in my presence ever again.  I dropped hints to Caitlin after work that he wasn’t right for working on my book but she bulldozed me with bullshit.

Fri 23 Sep – A very slack day at work, spent most of it whinging about Jeremy to anyone who would listen. Spent about half an hour browsing through the Dymocks bookstore in Collins Place and bought “Neuromancer” by William Gibson, mainly to broaden my tastes a little and so I’d have something to talk to Josh about next time I see him.  Cav clapped eyes on Leah briefly today when she picked up my portable CD player from work for her big date with Jude tonight. I hope it goes well for her.

Simon doesn’t have glandular fever like his loved one. It’s just some virus apparently.

Sun 24 Sep – Woke up at Leah’s, made her breakfast, we bonked. I didn’t like it much and she could tell. We came back here to my place and watched “Casablanca”, drank coffee and ate pasta, she left about 4pm. I cleaned up a little and now plan to spend the rest of the evening reading “The Brothers Karamazov” I finished the William Gibson yesterday. Mum rang before. Oh yeah and Leah’s date with Jude as a flop, he ended up going home with some gothic nightclubber called Jewel. Leah was disappointed, she deserves to be happy.