Tag: humour

1996, Letters from J, Letters to S

In between dates with Rosie (a Girl Scout Leader), Henry makes low-budget pseudo-snuff, schlock horror films. I’m serious.

Wednesday, 26 June 1996  8:15am Ah Sis, I bring to you another interesting story from the barrel of monkeys that is my work place.  Henry the Brit is starring in some sort of pseudo-snuff film.  I asked him what he did with his weekend, and he said ‘Ohh, I kidnapped a nun who had no undies on and raped her at knife-point.’  I smiled indulgently … Continue reading In between dates with Rosie (a Girl Scout Leader), Henry makes low-budget pseudo-snuff, schlock horror films. I’m serious.

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1996, Letters from J, Letters to S

So we eat Ox Tail and Ox Tongue – but what do we do with the rest of the Ox?

Tuesday, 24 June 1996  2:50am Gee it felt good not to drink Sis.  So righteous, so in control.  I liked it so much, that I did it again on Friday night.  Actually, everyone took it rather quietly, except Erin’s boyfriend, Billy.  He got pissed.  I think that getting pissed myself all the time has blinded me to the jibes that people make.  Sometimes I wonder … Continue reading So we eat Ox Tail and Ox Tongue – but what do we do with the rest of the Ox?

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1996, Letters from J, Letters to S

We call him Nuff Nuff because whenever he’s near you, all you want to shout is ‘Enough! Enough!’

Friday, 24 May 1996  8:24am Dear S, I thought I’d open this one traditionally, with a ‘Dear…’ Haven’t done anything since yesterday.  The traffic of books through my Flemington abode is about all I’m up to these days.  Finished the Truman Capote (I really like the name Truman) last night.  Finished an Agatha Christie (The Pale Horse).  Started Alice Walker’s Possessing the Secret of Joy … Continue reading We call him Nuff Nuff because whenever he’s near you, all you want to shout is ‘Enough! Enough!’

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1996, Letters from J, Letters to S

Men with jowls don’t dance. 

Friday, 10 May 1996  8:35am It’s a New Age for J, Sis.  I had a bit of a revelation last night.  I was shaving after a bath to soothe away the rigours of the day, and I noticed something in my face I’d never spied before.  I’m getting jowls.  I’ve put on weight, and I’m getting jowls.  They’re embryonic jowls to be sure, but the … Continue reading Men with jowls don’t dance. 

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1996, Letters from J, Letters to S

It’s not the meek that shall inherit the earth, it’s the technologically literate.

Thursday, 9 May 1996  8:30am Howdy S, Spoke to Mum on the phone yesterday.  We chit-chatted. Aunty Marge is coming down for the weekend for some genealogy grave-robbing gig with Ma. So anyway, we’re chattin’ away, and Mum Says ‘Oh your sister called on Sunday by the way.  ‘Really, how is she?  What’s she doing?  ‘Well, it was so early, I answered the phone all … Continue reading It’s not the meek that shall inherit the earth, it’s the technologically literate.

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1996, Letters from J, Letters to S

TV is the great blight of my existence, and it must be excised from my life.

Tuesday, 7 May 1996  8:40am My first full-on TV-less night.  And what a blessing.  I don’t think I’ll get the thing fixed, Sis.  I didn’t miss it at all.  And I actually cooked a meal.  A pastry dish.  It was my first filo recipe ever.  I know this is probably inane, but I get a kick out of cooking new dishes, makes me feel a … Continue reading TV is the great blight of my existence, and it must be excised from my life.

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1996, Letters from J, Letters to S

Sitting in Death’s Waiting Room.

  Friday, 26 April 1996 Howdy Sis o’ Mine, Still sittin’ here in Melbourne, Autumn chill closin’ in around me. Trying hard to ignore the blustery football analysis that trumpets around, usually on Monday, but today on a Friday.  It was ANZAC day yesterday, and there were a few games played.  I actually walked through the park near the MCG yesterday as the people swarmed … Continue reading Sitting in Death’s Waiting Room.

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1996, Letters from J, Letters to S

These fellas were wading through the vomit-lake and heaving with jocularity like Vikings. I quickly fled the scene.

Monday, 5 February 1996  11:08 am So Friday I go over to “Klicks” for drinks.  I’ve worked out my budget, and I know I really ought to go after two or three beers, because I’ve got this pub crawl thing with Quinn on Saturday night.  Quinn used to work here, now he’s in advertising with a four day week and an enormous bloody salary.  Anyway, … Continue reading These fellas were wading through the vomit-lake and heaving with jocularity like Vikings. I quickly fled the scene.

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1995, Letters from J, Letters to S

The Big Bang and Bongs.

Thursday, 28 September 1995  9:12am S, Thursday morning and the Monster Letter is gone, now it’s back to the regular routine.  Unless you prefer these in Monster format.  Lemme know. So what am I thinking about today?  Well, finished “The Age of Reason” so there’ll be no more ruminating on Past and Future.  However, I did see this groovy thing on TV about the end … Continue reading The Big Bang and Bongs.

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1995, Letters from J, Letters to S

I missed the whole day, one whole day of my life disappeared because I consumed too much of a drink that I find loathsome in an establishment I find stultifying. Just doesn’t make sense does it?

Tuesday, 22 August 1995  2:55pm Afternoon S, Just been over the road for a coffee and a read.  I loped up the stairs to lodge myself in my favorite Collins Place reading nook, and – lo and behold! – there’s a couple coupling. Right where I normally sit and pore through my snide little novels. Dizgusting! I had to turn away and hover around the … Continue reading I missed the whole day, one whole day of my life disappeared because I consumed too much of a drink that I find loathsome in an establishment I find stultifying. Just doesn’t make sense does it?

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