I’m just gonna leave this here.

To read Dead Man’s Diaries in chronological order please click here.

I am done, I have finished this blog. I have honoured my brother. I think, I hope he’d be pleased.

My brother is gone, our mother has Alzheimer’s, there is no one to confirm all my memories, but there is this – our love and lives on paper. I miss him, I miss receiving his letters.

The world is odd without my peculiarly wonderful brother, but I am something because I am his sister.

So I’m just gonna leave this here on the edge of the internet, for my girls, for anyone, for siblings of suicide sitting next to empty chairs everywhere. In honour of my brother. In dedication to ‘Leah’ who loved and cherished my brother as much as I do.

For every letter I’ve shared I have two others and still many of his drawings and sketches. I will now set J’s books free – it’s all I have left to do.

Thank you to anyone who ever stumbled across this.


To read Dead Man’s Diaries in chronological order please click here.

6 thoughts on “I’m just gonna leave this here.

  1. “I can tell about one who didn’t win. And it didn’t matter. Because his destiny was battle not the victory. He was born to travel, Not to find destination. He lived to live, Not to make a home.”
    ― Abdur-Rehman Qadeer
    His Soul continues its echo through this blog you created….Love and Light Eternal ..

    Liked by 3 people

  2. This blog was a long hard read at times and was also uncomfortable knowing the ending that was coming.
    However, i am aware and grateful for the fact thaf we, the readers, have the privilege of being able to close the blog and walk away whereas you have to live the consequences of its contents.
    I’m sorry you had to got through this and I’m sorry that your.brother found himself in such a dark place as to feel that the only way to find any light in his life again meant having to extinguish his own.
    I can’t, and wish to, imagine the hole this must leave in your life. I’ve lost people and that was hard enough but it was a natural ending and was unavoidable so I was able to reason it more, accept it and eventually move on.
    I hope you find peace, or at least solace, from all this and hope that people are able to take something from this blog that may help them in their own lives.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are kind Ned, thank you. It has helped me, I accept it all alot more, I hate it and it hurts but I accept it. Deb put it beautifully, J’s live, thoughts and light still echoes through this blog.
      I am so grateful to you reading it and commenting.
      I’ll be in the UK next year and plan to give away some of J’s books whilst there (deadmanslibrary.com) maybe I’ll bump into you : )
      With much thanks and my best wishes to you.



  3. Thank you for everything you have shared, and for allowing us to get to know your brother a bit too. I get the impression he was pretty awesome. Sending you lots of love and strength for the next part of your journey. Laura x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Laura, this blog is finished and it has helped me accept that it was J’s journey and I must work out my own journey. I understand that something froze inside me back in 2004, I will now work out my own journey whatever that may be, it’s not easy but I guess it is all any of us are trying to do.
      I will keep following your blog and cheering for you from this little corner of Australia.
      Much love to you.


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