I bought a lottery ticket today – always a reliable barometer of personal despair and desperation.

J’s Diary Entry

8 January 2003

Spent a leisurely morning reading my Nicola Barker novel in the lounge room until The Turkey showed up and I was forced out the door, on the run from his banal anecdotes and body stench (I swear he has shit in his pants today).

Went in search of fabric for a wall hanging I want to make. Tried all the shops ‘Dancing Queen’ on Lennox Street, ‘Astratex’, ‘Dimmey’s’ and even ‘Lincraft’ in the City. No luck. Also found nothing to photograph today. At least I had a FEAST for lunch – antipasto and fruit and brie-on-pumpernickel. Delicious! Cost $50 tho, ha ha! Was about to ride to St Kilda for something to do when Leah rang. She’s on her nicotine patches and needed to get out of the house. She picked me up and drove us to Northland to watch ‘Lord of the Rings – Two Towers’. I liked it better second time around, though I lost it in the cinema and abused a bunch of noisy patrons. Swore at them and everything. I think it freaked Leah out a little, she hasn’t seen me do anything like that before. Plus her nicotine patches are too strong and they make her a little anxious. O well! Ha ha! We’re gonna have brunch tomorrow, then I’ll see if I can cajole her to help me find that fabric. It’s like that velour wallpaper that was popular int he 70’s maroon and cream. Must do some stretching before going to bed. God, I have so many New Year’s Resolutions! Stretch, lose weight, save money, stop drinking… You know, if I can stick to not drinking, I think the others will be easier.

Leah told me that TJ, an old friend of Josh’s has directed a short film that has won some prize at VCA. And Steve, Josh’s other friend is getting a book published, some piss take about beer drinking and yoga. God! how awful, everyone’s a success. Praying to the Almighty I never run into any of them ever again. Nooo-ope, it’s failure-town for me. Leah said she had thought about doing some volunteer work with drug addicts. I said “Go for it!” like the good little cheerleader I wish I was. O Lawdy. Sometimes I wish I could leave town and start over, with new friends and no epectations – I feel like a bit of a failure at the moment.

I bought a lottery ticket today – always a reliable barometer of personal despair and desperation.

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