J’s Diary Entry
Fri 8 Apr 1994 – Simon and Bee (ex-work colleague and Simon’s housemate) taunted me today with unshared whispers of possible suitors for my hand. Perhaps it is wishful thinking, but I think it might be Bridgette. I don’t know any of their other friends so why else would they guard so carefully the name of this Miss X? I have come to the conclusion (presumptuous as it may be) that Bridgette and I could never see each other – work romances face too many pitfalls and I almost feel as if I like her too much to spoil her with all my negativity and poison.
This fatalistic reluctance is not to be confused with nobility. It’s just a mixture of fear and self-loathing. Why am I so negative where do I get it from? How different would I be without it?