Why am I so negative where do I get it from?

J’s Diary Entry

Fri 8 Apr 1994 – Simon and Bee (ex-work colleague and Simon’s housemate) taunted me today with unshared whispers of possible suitors for my hand.  Perhaps it is wishful thinking, but I think it might be Bridgette.  I don’t know any of their other friends so why else would they guard so carefully the name of this Miss X?  I have come to the conclusion (presumptuous as it may be) that Bridgette and I could never see each other – work romances face too many pitfalls and I almost feel as if I like her too much to spoil her with all my negativity and poison.

This fatalistic reluctance is not to be confused with nobility.  It’s just a mixture of fear and self-loathing.  Why am I so negative where do I get it from?  How different would I be without it?

S rang.

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