Wednesday, 12 January 1994 S, I know I wrote a letter only yesterday, but work is so dull. I’ve done loads and loads of work and I just can’t seem to get into the mood, maybe it’s because of lunch. I went over the road with a few friends from work and got half pissed and now I just can’t seem to be bothered. I … Continue reading The onset of maturity lingers, like a big lingering thing.
Tuesday, 11 January 1994 S, How’s it going? I mailed your first Cleo magazine yesterday, but didn’t have time to put a letter in. I must say, to my shame, that I had a flick through it. Well, what I saw was enough for me to be sworn off bananas for life! (see the “Banana Smooshie” recipe in the “How to Drive Your Man Wild … Continue reading Farts & Deadlocks on Doors
Friday, 10 December 1993 S, How are you? It’s a stinking hot 32 degree day and the working mood is simply not upon me, even though I have the only personal desk fan in the office (a present from Leah). How’s your stomach now and how’s Jack’s foot? Thanks for the prezzies too, the Dime Bars went straight into deep cryogenic preservation to be thawed … Continue reading Noisy Scumfilthshitturd Uni Students
Wednesday, 29 September 1993 Dear S, How was your birthday mate? How’s it feel to be TWENTY-FIVE (as opposed to twenty)? I hope it was a good one. How’s everything going? Mum told me you got another job and with a good long Corporate Ladder to climb and plenty of backs to sink knives into, the way it should be. Personally, I’m still plodding away … Continue reading I’m leaving, no I’m not, yes I am. No I’m not.
Tuesday, 3 August 1993 S, How are you? I’ve had the most fucked day in the history of fucked days. You know, it’s just one of those days where you wake up mean. I woke up before 6am and I feel like it! I fell back asleep again, but of course only just before the alarm went off, so I acted out some of my more … Continue reading I’m really cranky and make no apologies for it, so fuck ya’s all!!
Thursday, 10 June 1993 How you going Sis? How’s married life treating you? (I thought I’d get as many clichés out of the way as soon as possible.) How’s life in England? I can’t believe I’ve been back for over a month already, it doesn’t feel like it. I still feel refreshed I guess, which is good I suppose, though Winter is closing in upon … Continue reading Shut your ugly turtle face!
Sunday, 2 May 1993 Dear S and Jack, Welcome home. Thanks for letting me stay here while you were honeymooning back home and in Bali. Not that time in Poo Town would count as a honeymoon in my book! I’ve had a great time, I’ve tried not to break anything, it’s a nice place S, I’m happy for you. I’ve bought a tonne of stuff … Continue reading A thank you note from our house-sitter.
Friday, 19 February 1993 Dear S It’s fucking ace to hear from you, I got your aerogram today from Sue’s daughter Donna who works here too. (That’s how I got the job in the first place) Sue has been collecting the mail for us while Mum’s over in Old Blighty with you? How is she? Fussing like a maniac I’ll bet. And how are you? … Continue reading Proof Reading, Princess Turd & Dead Cats
Friday, 27 November 1992 Dear Sis, So now I am twenty. I don’t think I like it that much really, well, only when I think about it. It doesn’t occur to me most of the time. I don’t feel twenty, twenty years old, by twenty you’re supposed to be mature and all that shit. I dunno, nineteen just sounds so much younger, you know? God … Continue reading It’s enough to turn you into a Socialist
Monday, 23 November 1992 S Baby! How’s it going? Why haven’t you written you pussy nodule on the anus of humanity? (Like it? I thought of it myself). I’m on an extremely late and extremely boring lunch break and I thought it was time I typed you a little letter with my machine-gun typing skills. So why haven’t you written? Were you as completely outraged … Continue reading Mum & The Nipple Police
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