From:    J
Date:    29 August 2002 12:10AM
To:      S
Subject: I thought I would faint...

Hey, spoke to Ma.  You know, she seems to have a very different view of your time together – for her it was all kisses and hugs and sunshine and lollipops and rainbows and puppies in the meadow.  It’s damn weird hearing both sides of it, a little bit schizo.

Anyway, how you been?  “What’s up?” as the young people like to say.  Jade and I are hunting for a housemate.  Actually, it’s a bit more complex than that.  First we have to evict the BIG FAT RAT that is living with us (it ate so much Ratsak last night that I thought I would faint) and then get a new housemate.  We were thinking quite seriously about moving ourselves for a while, into a two bedroom place, but everywhere else is so expensive.  So we’ve hassled the real estate agents and last night they sent around the SEXIEST plumber God ever put breath into (big hairy chest with his flannelette shirt unbuttoned) while Jade and I leered at his arse and at each other as he leaned out the window to check the spouting.  We thought about asking him to move in but he mentioned that he lives with his girlfriend.  Cor he was sexy!  Anyway, they’re replacing the bath, shower, spouting and bathroom exhaust fan.  Then they’re getting someone to come and have a look at the rest of the place.  The kitchen bench tops need replacing and so does the linoleum and a few other things.  So maybe it will turn out alright.

Tonight I have my gay support group at 7 o’clock. Oh S, it’s so AWFUL! I thought it would be funny, I thought I might cop a root, I thought it might be like the start of Fight Club, but it’s just terrible Sis.  Everyone there is really old, some almost 70! And heaps of them have kids and ex-wives and they go to ‘BEATS’ and all they wanna do is moan about their problems and how HARD life is for us pooftas. There’s only two other guys there who are even remotely like me.  And what’s the point of a support group for a minority if you’re a minority within the minority?  So anyway, I’m there – crackin’ jokes, being friendly and they all look at me like I’ve just farted in church.  It’s so dreary, and I’ve only been to one week.  I’d ditch it but they made us promise to come every week (it goes for six) and they’ve got our phone numbers and last week we had to “buddy up” with someone and call them before the next meeting.  I got this guy Bruno, who had earlier, 10 minutes after meeting me, announced to everyone that my problem was “low self esteem”.  Hmm.  “Just wait til you find out what esteem I hold YOU in, pal!”  I thought to myself, GOD what I wouldn’t give to get out of this thing.  At least it’s providing some amusing stories to tell people, even though you’re not meant to talk about it, like it’s Gay AA or something.  (Say “Gay AA” out loud, it sounds like an echo.)

Well, I’d better go.  I just finished my tall strong skinny flat white coffee (my coffee has more adjectives that I have friends) and that’s my official hourglass for morning emails.

Write to me, my sugarplum!

J

From:    S
Date:    30 August 2002 01:18PM
To:      S
Subject: Re: I thought I would faint...

Hello Babe,

You’re pulling my chain right?  Gay support group?  You’ve never struck me as the sort that would join a support group, you always seem so self sufficient even if it was due to self denial.

Nothing new to report, life dull, diazepam great.

love you

S