Tuesday, 29 August 1995 9:37am

Oh Dear S, you’ll never guess what’s happened.  Someone attractive is working here.  I mean really attractive, like Sale-of-the-Century-model attractive. This is an ill wind Sis.  I don’t want someone extraordinarily attractive swanning around the place making me feel self-conscious.  Fuck, fuck, fuck. Have you ever encountered this sort of thing in your working life?  I just wanna work with people who are nice, friendly, easy to talk to, not some ravishing goddess – it’s impractical.  I guess I’m just a whinger, I whinge when I’m molested by Ms X, I whinge when I’m unmolested by tall blondes.  Maybe it would just be easier if I was blind, then I wouldn’t know who was sexy and who was foul (physically speaking).  Hopefully she won’t be staying on full-time, she’s just here for phone work.  I wonder how she got the job?  I mean, I wonder who it is that she knows that’s already working here?  You have to take these things into account before you talk to someone, have to figure out where their loyalties and affections lie.  Ahhh, it’s all so fucking cloak and dagger, I need to go home and sleep.

I’ve got to go to the doctor today, those spider bites I woke with on Saturday morning are getting worse. Oh God I assume they’re spider bites, I guess they could be anything. Shit, I hope it’s not a white-tailed spider.  You know them, the ones that make your skin rot off.  I’ve made so much fun of people who get bitten by white-tails, it would be God’s idea of a pretty good joke to get me then I guess.  God loves a good thigh-slapper.

I hate going to the doctor, I’m always afraid I might have to disrobe.  What if he wants to check the rest of me for bites?  I’ll just say no, they can’t force you can they? And what’s the privilege situation in regards to doctors? Can they refuse to hand over medical records on account of doctor/patient privilege?  Who has access to your medical files?  With the Tories in power over there, your postman can probably read your mail if he feels like it.  I went to the bank during lunch-break in case the medicine’s really expensive.  I was planning to go to one of the doctors in Collins Place but they’re really expensive and apparently very unsympathetic – they think every patient is trying to fake a sickie.  What if it’s not spider bites and it’s something really embarrassing like a “nervous condition”.  What if it’s hives?  I don’t want hives, aren’t they some form of herpes?  The human body is just an advanced torture machine really.  Wish I was an angel and had none of these worries.  I guess angels can’t get largered though.  That’s a drawback innit?  I think I’d make a good angel though.  You seen “Wings of Desire”?  It’s a Wim Wenders film, it’s mind-bendingly slow, a real film critic’s film, but it has some nice ideas about angels.  Personally, I’d go for the full feathered wings and harp outfit, with gold lame sandals and a beehive.  Maybe I’m thinking of cupid – I dunno.  I’d go around causing car accidents and distracting HSC students in their exams.  I think I’d chase dogs around mostly.  Actually, now I’m thinking of the angel guy in “Barbarella” – now that’s me all over.  Have you seen Barbarella? If not, you should hang your head in shame and motor down to the video shop and hire it right now – all time Classic. (Dig the Orgasmatron scene! And the fur-lined space ship!)

I’m gonna buy a Turgenev novel next called “Fathers and Sons”.  Don’t look too deeply into the title – I saw a copy of it in Leah’s new housemate’s book collection and thought that if I happened to have it poking out of my jacket that it might give us a talking point.  Are you this calculating about that sort of thing?  Do you buy your friends’ favourite foods and drinks, even though you’d never eat or dink them, just to be prepared and look like Super Host when they drop by? I even have tapes of one or two of Brett’s favourite bands to play when he comes over.  I guess that’s not really so amazing is it?  I’m sure those “Host with the Most” people go to more ridiculous lengths.  It’s funny that I do stuff like that but then avoid everyone like the plague, isn’t it?  I can’t be bothered trying to work it out, I’ll leave it alone, catalog it in the “What makes J so unique and special, and makes us want to hold him Dear and Close to all our Hearts’ file. Yeah.

Sketch by J