I have a need to be liked by everyone, and it can be a real drag.

Friday, 4 February 1994

Dear S,

Hi, another letter to fill in another afternoon.  Spoke to Brett yesterday, he dropped in on his way home from Shiatsu.  I don’t know if you’re familiar with it but it’s an ancient form of Japanese massage healing.  It’s all to do with meridians that run through the body and how the organs relate with one another and the rest of the body.  It’s pretty interesting and he’s right into it.  Actually he’ll be qualified practitioner in eighteen months – a bit scary hey?  Since he got sick from all those dyes at the material shop he’s been getting into all different types of healing.  When he’s finished this one he’s going to do some other course too.  He’s really getting his shit together now.  So anyway, he dropped over to have a look at the room and all Belinda’s shit is still in there and its only getting worse.  I’m surprised he still even wants to live in that room after seeing it in that state.  Not a thing has changed, all the food etc is still there, only now it’s three weeks older.  I found a book of mine they’d stolen too, a collection of short stories, it wasn’t that great a book, but they must have stolen it right out of our room, scumbags.  Poor Brett was in shock, he kept saying “I can’t believe anyone could live in that” and “she is going to steam clean the carpets, isn’t she?”  It was a bit funny but horrifying at the same time.

How’s your little place going?  I’m off to Mum’s tomorrow, Mum’s new place is quite nice, have you seen photos?  If not I’ll take some and send them over.  Actually, I took a roll of black and white photo’s last week and went to get them developed, 24 exposures cost me $25, and I’m still waiting for them.  Last time I use black and white film.

 

Monday, 7 February 1994

Well, Belinda’s nearly out.  She’s coming over tonight to collect the last of her stuff and then the steam cleaners are coming on Tuesday to do the carpets and that will be it.  And then Penny’s going away tomorrow so Leah and I will have the house all to  ourselves for two weeks, I can’t wait.

Went and saw Mum and Dad on Saturday, Dad to get Leah’s car fixed, it runs like a dog.  Then Leah went to her Mum’s and I looked at houses with Mum.  Saw a nice one in Flemington which was passed in for $108,500 (Reserve $112,000), a two bedroom terrace on Mt Alexander Road, so Mum and I are going to have a look through it tonight.  It’s a pretty busy road, but double glazing should get rid of most of the noise, and I won’t be there in peak hour anyway.  We’ll see how it goes.

 

Tuesday, 8 February 1994

Well the house was quite nice really, front two bedrooms are renovated and the kitchen and bathroom have been modernised.  The front room is especially nice, really deep cornices and lovely original fireplace and ceiling rose.  The only thing is, it’s a bit small. Once the bedrooms have a double bed in them, there won’t be much room for anything else, and I’ve got a drum kit to house plus bedroom furniture.  I was thinking that perhaps, since it has a high roof, we could make an attic bedroom and expand the lounge room by knocking out the wall between the lounge and second bedroom.   We went to visit Pam (her house is not far) after we looked at it and her place is so much larger for $150,000.  Her house is beautiful actually, Pam’s really astute, I guess that’s why it worries me that she dislikes me.  I have a need to be liked by everyone, and it can be a real drag.

I had a run in with someone at work just before, the Despatch Boy.  There’s a smell down near his desk, so he went and got the toilet deodorant and sprayed it all around our office.  That smell always reminds me of the foul odours one comes across in the toilet, so I (jokingly) told him to stop and whinged about the smell, whereby he cracks the darkies in a major way then swore and yelled at me.  I’m really pissed off, I was only joking.  I’m sick of oversensitive people, having to tip-toe around their delicate sensibilities.  Half of me feels like saying fuck him, if he wants to be an asshole, let him.  And the other half wants to smoke the peace pipe and avoid the hassle, but why should I offer the olive branch when I haven’t done anything wrong?  I’m sick of these constant dichotomies of opinion in me, why can I never go one way or the other?  I always end up taking the easiest path, the path of least resistance anyway, so what’s the point in even debating the matter at hand, whatever it may be?

I’m sick of everything.

 

Wednesday, 9 February 1994

Its Brett’s band’s debut gig tonight at the Arthouse in Carlton.  I’m going with Leah.  I hope it goes OK, this sort of thing always puts my teeth on edge because the person playing almost always enjoys it more than the audience, and I know that they want me to say that they were good, so I get all flustered and worried that even if I did enjoy it, when I tell them they’ll think I’m lying.  It’s pretty dumb, but I can’t help it.  I keep rehearsing what I’m going to tell them when they get off stage so I feel like it’s going to come across as stilted and dishonest.  I feel the same way about getting presents actually.  I’ll send another Cleo soon, although I’m going to have to pay the postage for all this myself now that I’m not too friendly with the Despatch Boy.  I suppose pride has it price.

 

Tuesday, 15 February 1994

In the interest of my hip pocket and the continuance of these letters, I decided to make up with the Despatch Boy, so I’ll mail this letter today, it’s been sitting around too long anyway and it’s starting to get stale.
Well yesterday was St Valentine’s day, did you and Jack do anything romantic?  Leah met me for lunch and I bought her the typical rose and this really beautiful deep red velvet vest from Marianna Hardwick for $125.  It’s also a weight-loss present so we got it a few sizes too small.  Now I know that’s more than a bit dangerous, but that’s the way she wanted it.  Leah got me three plants which is great, because I’m sick of our house looking so cluttered with Penny’s stuff, so now I can put these somewhere and relegate Penny’s Décor de Gross to her own room where I don’t have to look at it.  She also got me a calendar and took me out for dinner to this restaurant in St Kilda called the Wild Rice Bar.  It was delicious, it’s all vegetarian and vegan food.  I had some sort of stir-fry.

Brett’s band were great, (they are called Czar by the way) they did really well for a first gig.  Brett plays the Rock God quite well and their lead singer (Lisa) does a good cross between Siouxie Sioux and Stevie Nicks.  Her voice is great up high, but needs work down low.  It’s sort of light pop, but still good enough to hold your attention.  They came on after ten and played ‘til about eleven.  I got a lift there with Leah and Tim came too.  Tim seems to come everywhere these days.

I can’t delay it any longer, I’m going to have to send this letter, I may or may not write again soon.

Love J

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