Tag: humor

1995, Letters from J, Letters to S

I missed the whole day, one whole day of my life disappeared because I consumed too much of a drink that I find loathsome in an establishment I find stultifying. Just doesn’t make sense does it?

Tuesday, 22 August 1995  2:55pm Afternoon S, Just been over the road for a coffee and a read.  I loped up the stairs to lodge myself in my favorite Collins Place reading nook, and – lo and behold! – there’s a couple coupling. Right where I normally sit and pore through my snide little novels. Dizgusting! I had to turn away and hover around the … Continue reading I missed the whole day, one whole day of my life disappeared because I consumed too much of a drink that I find loathsome in an establishment I find stultifying. Just doesn’t make sense does it?

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1995, Letters from J, Letters to S

I’m a prisoner of urban sterility. I feel like doing something ridiculous – yep I’m gonna sit on the grass!

Thursday, 17 August 1995 9:07am S Geez, it’s been busy here, we’ve only got ’til Monday until the final “Who The Fuck Cares” proof comes out.  And I’ve been stressed to death trying to work up the gumption to ask for a raise.  It’s so difficult, how do you do it?  Do you have a particular mantra that you intone in an undertone as you … Continue reading I’m a prisoner of urban sterility. I feel like doing something ridiculous – yep I’m gonna sit on the grass!

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1995, Letters from J, Letters to S

I’m like ice-cream, delicious and sweet, but too much will make you puke.

Saturday, 12 August 1995  11:55am S, Yeah, check that date – I’m in at work on a Saturday.  And what a Saturday it is too, the mercury is set to soar to 17°, the sun is actually shining, and I’m here working.  Mum’s coming in to meet me at 2pm, and after she jumps back in her horseless carriage and zooms back to “Poo Town”, … Continue reading I’m like ice-cream, delicious and sweet, but too much will make you puke.

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1995, Letters from J, Letters to S

In homage to the great Victor Frankenstein I’m going to make me a chocolate woman with Maltesers for eyes.

Tuesday, 18 July 1995 9:11am Hi Sis, I spoke to Leah on the phone last night and conveyed my growing enthusiasm for this Chloe “thing”. She’s going to snoop for me later on in the week.  Last night she was more concerned with locating the luggage that Australian Airlines kindly lost for her.  They think it’s in Sydney.  She also told me that she thinks … Continue reading In homage to the great Victor Frankenstein I’m going to make me a chocolate woman with Maltesers for eyes.

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1995, Letters from J, Letters to S

I’ve read that beautiful chicks think that being beautiful is enough in itself, and they don’t put in any effort in the sack.

Friday, 30 June, 1995 9:30am Hi Sis, So, how about Hugh Grant’s little brush with the seedy underbelly of urban America?  Poor bloke, he’s really blown it (couldn’t resist, sorry). I feel a bit sorry for him, did you see the look on his face in that mug shot? It must be on the front page of every rag in England.  Everyone here keeps saying … Continue reading I’ve read that beautiful chicks think that being beautiful is enough in itself, and they don’t put in any effort in the sack.

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1995, Letters from J, Letters to S

The closest I’m gonna come to getting lucky will be getting run over by a necrophiliac.

Thursday, 16 Feb 1995, 9:15am Hi Sis, How did you sleep last night? No dreams about aliens or anything? I feel great this morning. I’m riding high on a caffeine surge of goodness and I want to smile so wide that my head splits in two. Luuuurve that strong cappuccino from “Roozervelts Cafe” on Collins Street first thing in the morning. The guy who usually … Continue reading The closest I’m gonna come to getting lucky will be getting run over by a necrophiliac.

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