“Boy! Boy! Another pina colada over here!”

From:    S
Date:    21 August 2002 08:51
To:      J

Ok time to start thinking about the big three ‘0’ Oh little brother of mine.

Thought I would go all out and get you something nice, and yes by nice I mean – well, something nice.  Thought you might like a computer at home or laptop or something instead. Tell me what you’d like.

Love, your Sis


From:    J
Date:    21 August 2002 11:55
To:      J

A laptop! Heavens to Betsy, that’s a bit pricey! What I really want is LOVE, sweet LOVE! (Like hell!)

You know me Sis, I’m actually trying quite hard to avoid the whole thing, planning to do NOTHING on the day. Might even skip town. You know how I hate being the centre of attention like that. In most other ways, it is the very AIR I breathe, but for some reason, if there’s no getting out of it –  if it’s PLANNED and you can’t stop everyone LOOKING at you… it just drives me nuts. It’s a variation on the public speaking fear. And the singing doesn’t help – I hate it when people sing happy birthday at you. Euwgh, my keyboard is greasy.  But I digress …

I’m not sure what I want just yet, and anyway, your birthday is coming up sooner than mine. What do YOU want?  Bloody hell, it’s VERY soon!

Actually, what I want for myself is a nice holiday over Christmas. I should have about two weeks’ leave by then, and I’ll ask for another without pay. Feel like going somewhere sunny, maybe Polynesia, somewhere like that. I wanna laze in the sun with absurd umbrella-festooned drinks at my side, crying “Boy! Boy! Another pina colada over here!” I’d have to go on my own – the only friends I have who could afford a holidays like that won’t take them because they think it’s bourgeois to stay at a resort – they have to tramp through Nepal or some other godforsaken dump because it has more credibility and they can bang on about it at dinner parties with everyone elses equally boring travel stories “I once got SO sick in this little “village in India…” “I was in SO much danger, this time in Ecuador…” “I got SO stoned, once in Thailand …” “I had the MOST spiritual epiphany, this time in Marrakesh…”

But how much do you reckon my tacky pool lizard holiday will cost? I calculate roughly that, if I’m GOOD, I oughta have about $5000 by the end of the year. That should be enough for three weeks, no? If I don’t go to TOO fancy a hotel… I know I should save it for a house deposit, but godDAMN I want a holiday. I’ve not had a proper one for years.

But I WILL think about what I want for my 30th. I’ve actually made a list somewhere at home of all the things I want to buy at the moment. I have CRAVING very badly. I just CRAVE… I crave consumer goods. I wanna Palm Pilot that plays MP3s, I want a new bed and manchester (single bed – sad, innit? – but I just want the extra space in my room, and it’s not like I ever pick up anyway), one of those kick-arse remote control cars that costs about $ 1500 (regressing to my childhood in the face of the undeniable 30), I want new clothes (naturally), I want a new stereo that will fit in the palm of my hand, a new plasma TV that will block out the sun, I want a recording DVD player….

I want to pay off my credit card. Bah!


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