I went downstairs and vomited petite as a cat in the bathroom. I’m getting too old for this.

Friday, 20 December 1996

Howdy S,

You, know, I just realized that I’ve not relayed to you the sad news of the demise of one of the most dynamic partnerships since Hitler and Goebbels – Bev and I are splitsville.  Bev’s working on DAA now.  And I’ve finally got Neda into my clutches, she will assist me with “Who the Fuck Cares”, oh and Jeremy has handed in his official notice – he’s only got a week and a half to go now.

Played hackey with Igor, Dee (his girlfriend), Joe (his brother), Sophia, Trent and his friend Flip in the park last night after a few light beers.  It’s really cool fun, I enjoyed it.  Joe is a star, I can only dream of one day attaining his mastery.  Do you know what hackey is?  It’s this game where you stand in a circle and have to keep airborne this little crocheted bags with beads or something in it.  You’re not allowed to use your hands.  It’s cool fun.  I got a grass stain on my jeans, but everybody was really supportive, Sophia putting a hand on my shoulder as I sobbed uncontrollably over my ruined trousers,  Dee offering stain removal advice and Igor rattling off old hackey injury stories.

Had lunch with Ma, yesterday.  Considerably less traumatic than lunch with Pa (That’ll be $27.50 Thanks).  I asked her what she wanted for Christmas, and she knew.  Knew what she wanted, knew where to get it.  If only  everyone could be so accommodating, Christmas would not be such an ordeal.  I got her a book on English Gardens.  Oh yeah, guess what?  You know how Mum works at Victoria University of Technology now, down near Flinders Street Station?  Well, VUT have a bookshop.  Mum’s an employee – that spells discount!  20% off.  Not bad, eh?  I’m getting her to buy everything for me now.

Leah called last night and invited me to a soiree d’amour at her place in Carlton on Saturday night. “Jaaane will be there,” she cooed down the phone at me in that schoolyard sing-song voice that strikes deep chords in all of us.  She offered to set me up with Jane a few weeks ago.  I knocked it back, sight unseen. Dignified me replied: “Tsk, I’m really a bit long in the tooth for that sort of thing nowadays, Ms Bury.”  I’ll go with an open mind, and if I’m feeling sexy, an open fly.  (You’ve got to bait your hook if you want to land the big ones.)


Monday, 23 December 1996

Saturday night I went to Leah’s party and made a fool of myself.  Got pissed and scared off Leah’s Christian punk friends.  They swear and smoke and drink but believe God created Adam.  Covered in tattoos and mohawks as well.  I nearly said “Don’t you know that it says in the first testament that the inked shall be denied at the Gates of Heaven?”  but I thought they’d probably know more about that than I would.  I got drunk and waded into a creationist debate.  I figured Hey, they’re helpin’ themselves to my vodka, I can kick their beliefs from one end of the room to the other.  Fair trade.

Too much booze, Sis.  I’m thinking about going teetotaller, whaddya reckon?  I worry that I might become a crashing bore (instead of a crashing boor) though.  Maybe I’ll give it a go, I’m sick of being sick all the time.

I woke up on Sunday morning, fully dressed on Leah’s floor.  I rolled over and pulled my keys out of my back (ouch) and ran a hand through my hair.  It was all sticky.  I didn’t want to think about that.  Went downstairs, vomited petit as a cat in the bathroom and rubbed some toothpaste over my teeth with a finger.  I looked at myself over the basin, leaning heavily on the cabinet and thought “You’re getting a bit old for this caper, Kiddo.”  And I am too.

I went back upstairs and gingerly walked back to my bed on the floor, but Aidan was backing out of bed, nude.  I saw his bum, très hairy, and froze.  What should I do?  I kept walking on tippy-toe toward the make-shift bed and slid down on to it, pretending to be asleep while Aidan was giving Leah a kiss on the forehead.  He walked heavily out past me and thudded down the stairs, holding a towel ’round his waist like a Balinese dancing girl.

Aidan got back from the shower, and the three of us lolled around in the heat, waiting for the change, smelling the pending rain through Leah’s open window.  Around 5pm we ordered some pizza after I had my second delicate vomit for the weekend. The Margarita pizza filled the hole nicely.  Around 6pm Leah gave me a lift home.

I finally clapped eyes on this Jane girl at the party.  Not for me I’m afraid.  I talked to her a little, but there wee no sparks.  Plus I don’t think she’d be clamouring for my phone number after my performance later on.  Maybe I’ll get some pet fish.



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